GenX Presents: A Short History of the X-Men
by Jaelle
Summary: The Generation X crew put on a play for the assembled X-Teams: their version of the X-Men history. Silly, insulting and wildly inaccurate in parts, this is set directly after the Onslaught story and before Bastion showed up. (In other words, it's current
1. Part One

***  
Generation X Presents:  
A Short (and somewhat inaccurate) History of the X-Men  
Part One (of 12)  
by Jaelle.   
  
This story takes place after Onslaught and before that Bastion dork came along, it also doesn't quite fit into continuity, but oh well, that's never stopped Marvel!  
  
***  
Generation X and the X-Men are all trademarks of Marvel  
Entertainment. No attempt is being made to infringe on these trademarks. Blah blah blah.   
***  
  
"Boy, it's great to be back in the X-Mansion again," said Jubilee.  
  
"Si. I'm just dying of happiness over here," said Skin. "Only I think the boredom is gonna get me first."  
  
The other members of Generation X voiced their agreement. Technically they were all at the mansion to 'help out', but in reality they were there because the X-Men needed the aid of both of the headmasters to cope with the damage caused during that whole Onslaught mess, neither of whom trusted the team on their own at the school.  
  
Storm observed all this on her way past the TV room. "If you have nothing better to do there are a large number of boxes in the attic that need sorting out." She suggested.  
  
"Why not?" Asked Paige, "There' nothing else to do. Coming guys?"  
  
"I'm in," said Jubilee. The others all decided that they might as well join in, and the group headed for the attic. On the way they passed Rogue and Joseph, who was being given a tour.  
  
"So this was when Jean was evil, and so was I?"  
  
"No, this was when Jean was dead and you were evil." said Rogue, indicating the group photos on the desk.  
  
"Oh."  
  
***  
  
In the attic, hope that there might be something interesting soon died. The gloomy atmosphere prevalent everywhere else in the mansion was especially bad up there, and the majority of the boxes turned out to be uninteresting.  
  
"Nothin' but clothes, clothes and more clothes," said Skin.  
  
"Hey, these aren't just ANY old clothes," said Jubilee.  
  
"These are all the old costumes!"  
  
"Some of them _very_ old," agreed Monet, holding up some original New Mutant uniforms.  
  
"A history of the X-Men in costumes," said Skin. "I tell you, my excitement is so thick I can barely breathe."  
  
"Boy, I'm glad I didn't have to wear _this_ thing," said Everett, examining Havok's old hoop-thing head gear. "Right Jubes? Jubes?"  
  
Jubilee sat there, a strange expression on her face. "A history of the X-Men in costumes.... Skin, you are a GENIUS! Somebody give me a pen and some paper! Oh, and some pins, duct tape and scissors!"  
  
***  
  
The X-Men, gathered at the dinner table after the dishes had been cleared away, began talking.  
  
"MMmmm, that chicken was delicious." said Bobby.  
  
"Yes indeed, but now I fear I must return to my work," Hank replied.  
  
"Ummm..."  
  
The conversation died and they all stared around blankly. They were all still shell-shocked in the wake of the Onslaught incident. All were uncomfortably silent, and continued so as Scott stood and led the exodus from the table. It was a short trek however, as they entered the living room to find it transformed. Chairs had been set up facing a large area which had been curtained off. The X-Men stared at this setup. Suddenly, the curtains parted enough for Jubilee to step out.  
  
"What the hell is going on?" Asked Wolverine.  
  
Jubilee cleared her throat. "Ladies and gentlemen! Please take your seats, the show is about to start!"  
  
Confused, the X-Men chose seats.  
  
"Do you have any idea what this is about?" Scott asked Sean.  
  
"Not a thing, Emma?"  
  
Emma Frost shrugged. Jubilee waited until everyone had settled down and then cleared her throat again. Consulting some notes she held in her hand she spoke up, moving to the left side of the 'stage' as she did so.  
  
"And now, as a special treat, Generation X Productions presents: A Short History of the X-Men. Based on a true story, and adapted slightly to make it funnier, we begin with a man..."  
  
The curtains opened. Synch stood in the middle of the stage, wearing a suit.  
  
"He was a man with a dream," Jubilee continued.  
  
"I have a dream," said Synch in a broad Southern accent. "A dream that one day, on the red hills of Georgia.."  
  
"Uh Ev? Wrong dream."  
  
"Oops," Synch grinned, "Sorry." He exited left to giggling from Rogue and Jean, which multiplied when he returned to the stage wearing a shower cap.  
  
"I have a dream," he said solemnly. "A dream that one day, humans and mutants will live together in peace."  
  
There was silence. Jubilee spoke again, "He shared this dream with his closest friend."  
  
Jono stepped onto the stage. "You've got to be bleeding kiddin' me mate, it'll never happen!"  
  
"They agreed to disagree."  
  
"Oh yeah?" snarled Synch.  
  
"Yeah!" replied Jono.  
  
"Oh yeah?"  
  
"Yeah!"  
  
"Well, then I think you're a stupid dork!"  
  
"And _you're_ a bald git!"  
  
"HA!" They both stalked off on either side of the stage.  
  
Bobby and Hank were snickering, Joseph was grinning, and Professor Xavier looked less depressed than he had before.  
  
"Anyway, moving right along. Prof X, the dreamer, decided to form a team of mutants to fight evil mutants and promote better relations between humans and mutants. And he named them... the X-MEN!"  
  
Cheers from the audience.  
  
Jubilee grinned, "And here they are."  
  
"Uh oh," said Scott.  
  
"His first (and only female) recruit - JEAN GREY! AKA MARVEL GIRL!"  
  
Husk walked onstage wearing a green dress and mask and freshly husked red hair. She curtsied to the sound of wolf whistles. Sam glared at Roberto, who grinned and gave one more whistle before stopping.  
  
"Fearless leader and he of the firm jaw, SCOTT SUMMERS! AKA CYCLOPS!"  
  
Jono returned to the stage, wearing a visor. "Make it so!" He spoke.  
  
"Man of many syllables, HANK McCOY, AKA THE BEAST!"  
  
Mondo grinned at the audience as he walked onstage. Hank's old costume bulging a little.  
  
"Rich playboy and mutant about town, WARREN WORTHINGTON THE THIRD, AKA THE ANGEL!"  
  
Angelo flapped bits of skin as he joined the others. Bobby was choking with laughter.  
  
"I wouldn't laugh if I was you," said Hank amusedly. "I believe they've run out of male team members."  
  
"Gulp."  
  
"Oh don't worry Bobby. We wouldn't do that to you." called Jubilee.  
  
"Why not?" came a yell from the X-Force area.  
  
"Because we're nice people. So now we present the final member of the original X-Men... the mutant freezer named... BOBBY DRAKE! AKA ICEMAN!"  
  
There were howls of laughter from the audience as Artie walked onstage, projecting images of ice cubes.  
  
"Together they are the Uncanny X-Men! With but one dream on their minds!"  
  
As one, all of the men onstage turned and stared at Paige, panting heavily. In the audience, Jean blushed furiously, and Scott squeezed her hand, grinning all the while.  
  
"AHEM! The dream you guys, the dream!" reminded Jubilee.  
  
"Oh yeah," everyone straightened up a little.  
  
"They were a force for good! And it wasn't long before they got their first test!"  
  
Jono took off the visor and handed it to Jubilee. He stepped away from the 'X-Men', and picked something up from offstage. The audience burst out laughing as he solemnly placed one of Magneto's old helmets onto his head.  
  
"I have a dream!" he announced. "A dream that mutants will rule the world!"  
  
"That's wrong!" said Synch as Xavier. "Humans and mutants must co-exist! That is _my_ dream!"  
  
Jubilee handed him the visor and he donned it. "And we will fight to defend that dream!" he proclaimed.  
  
"Oh yeah?" asked 'Magneto'.  
  
"Yeah!" answered 'Xavier'.  
  
"Oh yeah?"  
  
"Yeah!" replied the 'X-Men'.  
  
"Oh yeah?"  
  
"YEAH!" roared Gen X, the audience and the narrator.  
  
"Oh well fine. Be that bloody way then." Jono stalked offstage to wild cheering.  
  
Jubilee waited for it to quiet down a little, then spoke again. "The triumphant X-Men went on to have many more battles, none of them very interesting."  
  
Boos and hisses from the original team mingled with yells of agreement and laughter from everyone else.  
  
"They also got two more members - Havoc and Polaris."  
  
Penance and Leech joined the crowd onstage.  
  
"This when the first appearances of a terrible mutant plague began to become apparent. It would come to be known... the SUMMERS EFFECT!" Jubilee shouted. She grinned and waited as the audience shrieked with laughter.  
  
"This is great!" Bobby choked out.  
  
"Indeed." Said Emma frostily [it had to happen - Jae.] "I'm just curious as to how Jubilee managed to persuade all of the others to take part in this lunacy."  
  
Jubilee overheard and grinned at her teacher, "I have all the negatives."  
  
"She bloody does too," came a yell from offstage. More laughter.  
  
"_Anyway_," Jubilee reasserted herself. "Things continued along quite happily. Until one day, they got on the wrong side of a mutant island."  
  
"Gaaak!" yelled the X-Men onstage as M ran around them with a rope and dragged them offstage.  
  
"Leaving only Scott to go for help."  
  
Jono reentered and re-donned the visor. Synch also entered as Xavier.  
  
"We'll have to get more mutants!" Synch yelled.  
  
"And so..." Jubilee trailed off as Synch took up position on the right side of the stage. "... they did."  
Mondo ran onstage with a feather stuck in his hair, pretending to hunt deer. Jubilee watched him, "Okay, it's feeble, but it was the best we could do on short notice!"  
  
Mondo shrugged, then high-fived Synch and wandered off behind him. Next Skin, in a Sunfire costume, walked over to Synch, nodded and exited right as well. Then M walked past in an old (and slightly baggy) Storm costume. Next Skin again, this time with a large 'musketeer' type hat and Nightcrawler costume. Then Skin again (cries of 'favouratism' from the audience).  
  
"It's not favouratism," protested Jubilee.  
  
"Then how come Skin's portraying practically everyone?" yelled Rogue.  
  
Skin shrugged, "Is it my fault that I'm the best there is at what I do?"  
  
"AAAAAGH! Ah'm sorry ah asked!" Rogue howled. The rest of the audience was likewise groaning. Especially Logan.  
  
"I ain't that bad," he protested.  
  
"OH YES YOU ARE!" shouted everyone.  
  
"Well maybe," he grinned.  
  
Jubilee sniffed, "And finally..."  
  
Artie ran onstage carrying a hammer and sickle. He bowed to the applause and then exited stage right.  
  
"And together... THEY KICKED THE ISLAND'S BUTT! YEAH!" yelled Jubilee.  
  
All of GenX congaed onto stage, singing 'We Are the Champions'.  
  
Synch waited till the line had gone past and then latched on to the end as it congaed across the stage, exiting behind Jubilee.   
  
"We now break for a short intermission. Be warned, things get confusing from here on in. Back in ten." Jubilee bowed and exited left. The curtain closed behind her.  
  
To be continued... 


	2. Part Two

***  
Generation X Presents:  
A Short (and somewhat inaccurate) History of the X-Men  
Part Two (of 12)  
by Jaelle  
***  
  
This story takes place after Onslaught and before that Bastion dork came along. It also doesn't quite fit into continuity, but oh well, that's never stopped Marvel!  
  
Generation X and the X-Men are all trademarks of Marvel Entertainment. No attempt is being made to infringe on these trademarks. Blah blah blah.   
  
***  
  
"And we're back!" Jubilee bounced back onto the stage as the last of the X-Men settled back into their seats. The lights dimmed again. There were a large amount of popcorn, ice cream and other snacks in evidence.   
  
Jubilee grinned and consulted her notes."Okay, so when we last left our intrepid heroes, they'd just been joined by even _more_ intrepid heroes. Now from here on in things get really confusing. Partially because they _were_ confusing and partially because I couldn't be bothered reading all the damn files."   
  
"You mean you accidentally deleted them when you were installing network Doom!" yelled a voice from backstage.   
  
"Ix-nay on the oom-Day Paigey!" Jubilee yelled back. In the audience, Hank blanched, then sighed. "Well, at least we have backups." he said wryly.   
  
"Uh yeah, I'll get back to you on that one Hankster," said Jubilee guiltily. "And now on with the show."   
  
"What do you mean, you'll get back to me?!"   
  
"Quiet in the cheap seats! So anyway, the new X-Men took up residence, not without their fair share of incidents however."   
  
There was a splash of water and Everett walked on stage, one hand covering his eyes as he held a towel out at arms length. M's bare arm reached out from behind the curtain and accepted the towel. The audience was amused to see quiet dignified Storm blushing hotly. Gambit blew her a smoke ring.   
  
"And it was at this point that the first of a ridiculously familiar set of incidents occured."   
  
Paige (in red hair and Marvel Girl costume) mimed swimming on stage. Following her were Jono (Cyclops), Skin (Angel), Mondo (Beast) and Synch (Iceman). They were all in original black and yellow X-Men uniform with large fishbowls on their heads. The boys "swam" offstage and Husk pretended to be concentrating fiercely on something. Red lighting flicked on. Suddenly, she began clawing at her face and with a ripping sound 'husked' off her skin to be revealed in the original Phoenix costume. She bowed and stepped offstage.   
  
"Uhhh... thanks Paigey..." Jubilee said. "That wasn't too disgusting, but would you please clean up after yourself?"   
  
Paige re-entered with a broom and swept her ex-skin away.   
  
"Thank you. Moving right along, then, a new mutant joined the team."   
  
M jumped onstage, "Hi! I'm Kitty Pryde! I'm cute! I'm perky! An' I wanna be one of the X-Men!"   
  
Jubilee opened her mouth but Monet continued quickly, as her attitude changed slightly. "An' I like to rollerblade, chew gum, tell boring stories about my adventures, shop, channel surf..."   
  
Jubilee was making throat-cutting motions as Monet gave up all pretense of acting and began listing. "Don't study, pry, make attempted-funny jokes, talk and talk and _talk_..."   
  
"Okay Monet zip it!" yelled Jubilee. She pulled at the cords that closed the curtain, cutting M off mid-sentence.   
  
The audience was roaring with laughter as she shook her head sadly, "You give them everything, you make them stars and _this_ is how they treat you." She sighed.   
  
"Anyhoo... so now the X-Men got Pryde. Then an attack is led against her by some sleaze queen trying to recruit her into her school. Due to the fact that it's midterms next week we regret that we are unable to show you this scene."   
  
"Awwwww..." complained some members of the audience.   
  
"Watch it Cassidy," snarled Emma.   
  
"I didnae say anything!"   
  
"You didn't _have_ to."   
  
"So we therefore bring you... more of the same!"   
  
Husk stepped out in Phoenix costume, clutched at her head and husked into Dark Phoenix costume. She began to leave when...   
  
"Ahem." said Jubilee, staring meaningfully at the discarded husk. Husk sniffed and carried it away.   
  
Scott squeezed Jean's hand. *Don't worry,* she 'told' him telepathically, *they only mean it in fun.*   
  
"Also..."   
  
"I've had a vision!" Monet (Kitty) announced. "A vision of the future! We must at all costs keep it from coming true! It's a terrible catastrophe, this irritating Asian-American kid worms her way into the..."   
  
"So the X-Men rallied to this cause!" Jubilee proclaimed loudly, shooting a death glare at Monet as the audience giggled.   
  
The rest of GenX ran onstage around M and struck noble poses. Jubilee fished a cassette player out of her pocket and hit play. Beautiful, longing music began to play.   
  
"Brahms? Handel?" asked Bobby.   
  
"The love theme from Mystery Science Theatre 3000," said Logan.   
  
"Hey wait a second, wasn't Jean normal at that point?" asked Domino.   
  
"No, I'm fairly sure she was absent." replied Roberto. "Jean?"   
  
"Don't ask _me_. I've never understood it!" Jean replied.   
  
"Oh yeah! Almost forgot. Somewhere around this time the first of the splinter X-groups formed. Only they didn't have an X in their names! A bunch of lame wannabes they were... the New Mutants!"   
  
The curtain reopened to show Generation X in the original NM costumes.   
  
"Hi! We're the New Mutants!" they yelled cheerfully.   
  
Roberto and Sam booed loudly. "Yaa! Boooooo! Hissss..."   
  
"Sam!" yelled Paige. "You're _embarassing_ me!"   
  
"And how do you thank _Ah_ feel? Boooooooo!"   
  
The curtain closed and Jubilee took a step forward. "And now, in a feat never attempted before... we present... the Dark Phoenix saga!"   
  
The curtain re-opened and Husk stood there in Jean Grey costume.   
  
"Attempting to save her friends Jean Grey was exposed to cosmic energy, and became the Phoenix."   
  
*Rip* Husk was now wearing Phoenix costume.   
  
"Corrupted by power, she became evil."   
  
*Rip* Husk in Dark Phoenix costume.   
  
"She was hunted." The 'X-Men' jumped onstage to fight Husk. She struck a threatening pose and chased them back offstage.   
  
"Even aliens didn't like her."   
  
The 'X-Men' plus Artie and Leech chased Paige back across the stage and off the other side.   
  
"But she was too powerful."   
  
The 'X-Men', Artie and Leech were chased back across by Paige.   
  
"But she sacrificed herself for love."   
  
Paige clutched at her heart and collapsed.   
  
Jubilee sniffed and wiped away a fake tear. "Isn't that beautiful?" She looked at her notes. "But then it turned out that that wasn't really Jean at all but a simulacra crafted by the Phoenix entity when Jean first tried to save her friends. In fact her body was still intact, though unconcious, and her form was taken by the Phoenix which finally learned to love, sacrificed itself because of that and when it tried to return it's memories to Jean had them rejected, and they instead went to a clone created by Mister Sinister, woke it up and caused it to cause havoc, falling in love with Scott, marrying him, having a kid which was later sent into the future and then came back as a gun-toting, testosterone-emitting badass and so forth. Including one particularly ironic adventure when Mastermind made everyone think she was Dark Phoenix come back to life, ironic cos of the memories doncha know? So it was all okay after all cos then Jean really did come back."   
  
She stopped and waited a few moments.   
  
Joseph clutched at his skull, "My head hurts."   
  
"Was it this confusing living through it?" Bobby asked, "I can't remember anymore."   
  
Husk onstage stood and brought her hands up in order to husk but then paused. "I'm not sure who I'm supposed to be right now. But I really think you cheapened that whole perfect moment when Jean gave up her life."   
  
Jubilee shrugged, "Don't blame _me_. But anyway, the important thing is that the Phoenix entity learned to love, and to grow from love, and was willing to sacrifice everything for love, right?"   
  
There was a chorus of hearty "Yes!"s to that and Jubilee grinned. The grin turned evil, "Of course, there's a lot more. Then the original Jean did actually come back precipitating a battle between clone and original, resulting in a demon war but we ain't up to that part yet so..." Jubilee took a huge breath. "I need a glass of water. Tune in in another ten minutes when we step back briefly into continuity and look at some of the other major events that took place. Later."   



	3. Part Three

***  
Generation X Presents:  
A Short (and somewhat inaccurate) History of the X-Men  
Part Three (of 12)  
by Jaelle  
***  
  
This story takes place after Onslaught and before that Bastion dork came along. It also doesn't quite fit into continuity, but oh well, that's never stopped Marvel!  
  
Generation X and the X-Men are all trademarks of Marvel Entertainment. No attempt is being made to infringe on these trademarks. Blah blah blah.   
  
***  
  
"Just when you thought you were safe... part three!" Jubilee announced as she stepped back onstage. She squinted out at the audience. "Everyone still here?"  
  
"No! I'm leaving!" yelled Bobby, and stood up.  
  
"Oooooh, a wise guy huh. Skin!"  
  
"Si Baroni," Skin replied as his hands reached into the audience and shoved Bobby back down into his chair.  
  
"Booo! Narrator brutality!" yelled Hank.  
  
"Ah you love it. Why else would you wear those outfits? Now if Statler and Waldorf are finished, we'll get on with part three... *ahem* When last we left our crew, they were trying to work out what had happened to Jean Grey..."  
  
Jono, Synch, M, Mondo and Leech staggered onstage clutching at their heads and moaning in pain.  
  
"The horror. The horror...." said Synch.  
  
"Ah yes, it is a time that will not soon be forgotten," smirked Jubilee. "But fear not! Safety is at hand, a new member will take your minds off the situation."  
  
Everyone brightened up.  
  
"Or possibly not. Meet Rachel Summers - the daughter of Scott and Jean from an alternate future! Take it away!"  
  
"Please!" yelled the 'X-Men'.  
  
Husk pranced onstage in lots of bright red leather.  
  
"Then again..."  
  
"How come mah sister has to wear all of the revealing outfits?" yelled Sam in indignation.  
  
"She volunteered." replied Jubilee. "Be afraid Sammy-boy, be very afraid."  
  
Husk blew her brother a kiss.  
  
"Besides it was either her, or one of us others. I'm busy, M flat out refused, Jono doesn't have the bust for that outfit, Skin doesn't really suit red leather and Mondo didn't fit the costumes. Anyhoo... Rachel joined and got help with her telepathy and telekinetic abilities from the one and only Prof X."  
  
The audience quietened in memory of the times when Professor X was the one who helped others with their telepathic powers.  
  
"Another mutant who joined roughly at this time was not a new face... No indeedy, cept people were more used to seeing her on the _other_ side! I am of course referring to the one and only Southern Belle, Rogue! Who, in addition to having an extremely distinctive hairstyle, is also the X-Men's current champion of non-de-plumes and mysterious pasts. I mean, even Wolvie's got a   
real first name! But Rogue... Nooooooo..."  
  
"Jealous sugah?"  
  
"Oh yah, really." Jubilee sneered. "In fact, there were many mutants who were part of the X-Men for a while. Several of them have been left out so far, because they were only here for a short while, or because it was difficult to fit them into the continuity, or because it was difficult to fit one of us into their uniforms, or because they were uninteresting..."  
  
Psylocke cleared her throat menacingly.  
  
"Or because we haven't gotten to them yet," Jubilee hastily added. "Which reminds me! Shortly after Rogue joined, so did Elizabeth Braddock. Model, babe, call her what you will. Just don't call her Ninjana. She really hates that." Jubilee paused, "Judging by what I accidentally on-my-way-to-the-kitchen just happened to hear as I was walking past though, she doesn't seem to   
mind 'snookums'."  
  
Betsy and Warren choked as the audience roared with laughter.  
  
"Moving right along..." Jubilee said hastily. "It was also at this time that Professor X became ill. To repair himself, he left the earth to join his love Lilandra, chief chick in charge of the Shi'ar empire."   
  
Synch, as Professor X, synched into Jean's powers and floated himself off the stage and up near the ceiling. In the background, "Higher and Higher" played.  
  
"So the big question was... who would lead the X-Men while he was away? Anyone... anyone... Bueller?"  
  
"I know! Me! Me!" yelled Bobby, waving his hand in the air.  
  
"Come on... let's hear from those who haven't said anything yet... Joseph? Can you guess who Prof trusted to lead the X-Men while he was away?"  
  
Joseph looked around at all of the grinning faces.  
  
"Oh god. It was me wasn't it?"  
  
"Bing Bing Bing! You're a winner!"  
  
Jono poked his head out onto the stage and grumbled, "Bout bloody time we got to do somethin' out here again. Ahem."   
  
He stepped out and the audience once more burst into hysterics. He was wearing the helmet on his head again, and this time was additionally in full Magneto costume. The purple Magneto costume with a big silver M written on the front.   
  
Joseph put his head in his hands. "Tell me I didn't wear that. Please."  
  
"Sorry sugah." Rogue patted his knee. "But it's true. We have photos."  
  
"But it wasn't me! That was a different person!" he protested.  
  
"Uh huh. Sure."  
  
"Argh!"  
  
Jono posed, "I will lead the X-Men. Whoever is actually around at the moment anyway."  
  
"And lo," said Jubilee. "He did. Pity he wasn't leading a team of lawyers, he could've used them when..." There was a knock. Jubilee looked around and then knock repeated itself, several times. "I'm coming!" she yelled. She sighed and lifted part of the curtain, "Yes?"  
  
"Hi, have you ever known Jesus?" asked Synch.  
  
Jubilee screamed and dropped the curtain. More knocks. She growled and yanked it open again.  
  
"Excuse me, is this the Xavier mansion?"  
  
"Yeah."  
  
"Is your name Magneto?"  
  
"No, that's him over there." Jubilee pointed.  
  
Synch, wrapped in a flag, and M, wearing white entered. "Hi, we're here on behalf of the US Government. You're under arrest."  
  
Jono looked confused, "But I don't want to be arrested."  
  
"Oh well, then we'll have to GET HIM!!!!" Synch and M jumped Jono.  
  
"Oh look, the Avengers have come calling." said Jubilee. "They want to put Magneto on trial for crimes against humanity. Unfortunately noone thinks he'll get a fair trial, soooo..."  
  
"CHARGE!" Husk (as Rogue) led the charge as Skin (Wolvie), herself and Mondo (as Colossus) attacked Captain America   
(Synch), and Captain Marvel (M). Halfway through the charge however they slowed down and all began moving in slow motion, with vastly exagerated movements. There were a lot of 'biffs', 'thuds' and similar sound effects going on for a while. Jubilee watched and then jumped as there was another 'knock'. This time the raised curtain revealed Artie, Leech and Penance.  
  
"Hi... we Russian heros."  
  
"We've already got one!" yelled Mondo as Colossus.  
  
"We come to stop Magneto."  
  
"Already being done!" yelled Synch and M.  
  
"Oh, well guess that make us... su-per-fish-shell to the plot then, yes?"  
  
"Yes. But come on in and confuse things anyway." said Jubilee. "We have smores. And apples."  
  
"Smores!"  
  
And with that mighty battle cry the dynamic trio charged in to battle. "Smores! Smores!"  
  
"The Russian heroes were so totally lame that they were easily KOed by both sides."  
  
Penance, Artie and Leech fell down without so much as laying a single 'punch'.  
  
"However their intervention did cause the other two teams some problems."  
  
'Magneto' and 'Captain America' tripped over the 'Russian heroes'.  
  
"But ultimately the X-Men won the day, sort of. Magneto got away anyhow and none of them got arrested. Nobody died, came back from the dead or got new costumes either. So I guess you could say that everybody won!"  
  
Everyone paused.  
  
"Except the Avengers and the Russians of course." Jubilee sniffed and wiped away a mock tear, "But then, in a display of heroicism so noble you'd probably call it stupidity, Magneto decided to stand trial anyway."  
  
Jono stood up, "I shall stand trial. Even though I don't recognise the authority of you or the courts, and sneer at your value system." He said to 'Captain America'.  
  
"WHAT? You mean we went through all that for NOTHING?" yelled Husk as Rogue.  
  
Jono shrugged, "It seemed like a good idea at the time."  
  
"And so Magneto stood trial, and, in an amazing example of court history, was acquited of crimes against humanity on the grounds that he was at war with it at the time!"  
  
"Woo hoo!" Jono cheered, and threw his helmet into the air.  
  
"Unfortunately, this seriously torqued off most of humanity, who saw it as a big fraud, thus setting off an even bigger hatred of mutants."  
  
"ARGH!" yelled Jono. "Can't a guy ever get a break?"  
  
"Sorry," Jubilee smiled. "Not when you're...  
  
... in the X-Men!"  
  
"You can wear a big X!" sang the others, to the tune of 'In the Navy'.  
  
"In the X-Men."  
  
"You can die with cool effects!"  
  
"In the X-Men, in the X-Men."  
  
"You know we're the X-M-E-N!" sang Jubilee, switching to another Village People song which I'm not going to name cos you should all know it.  
  
"Oh yeah we're the X-M-E-N." sang Husk.  
  
"You can wear a cool cape, you can usually escape, you can travel a-round the world!"  
  
"When you're in the X-M-E-N," now all of GenX was singing.  
  
"Let's hear you spell it, the X-M-E-N,  
We will fight for our dream,  
And eat lots of ice cream,  
And not make a whole lot of sense, in the..."  
  
"X-M-E-N." sang the audience.  
  
"Oh yeah we're the..."  
  
"X-M-E-N!!"  
  
GenX began spelling the words with their arms as they danced and sang.  
  
"Mu-tant mu-tant aren't you listenin' to me,  
You can be what you want to be, in the  
  
"X-M-E-N!" the audience clapped as Gen X exited the stage.  
  
"Oh yeah in the..."  
  
"X-M-E-N..."  
  
Jubilee waved to the audience as she left the stage,  
  
"Back in part four!" she called. "See you in five! Sing it!  
  
You're the..."  
  
"X-M-E-N..." 


	4. Part Four

***  
Generation X Presents:  
A Short (and somewhat inaccurate) History of the X-Men  
Part Four (of 12)  
by Jaelle  
***  
  
This story takes place after Onslaught and before that Bastion dork came along. It also doesn't quite fit into continuity, but oh well, that's never stopped Marvel!  
  
Generation X and the X-Men are all trademarks of Marvel Entertainment. No attempt is being made to infringe on these trademarks. Blah blah blah.   
  
***  
  
"And now for Part Four! By the way, can you hear me up the back there?"  
  
"You're asking us _now_?"  
  
"You're complaining?"  
  
"Uh... never mind."  
  
Jubilee grinned, then sobered. "This part of the history of the X-Men is very sad, very touching, and very serious, as it includes such sections as the Mutant Massacre and the Fall of the Mutants. Because of this it behooves us to observe a moment of silence."  
  
The audience bowed their heads.  
  
"Before we destroy it totally. We had intended on leaving these parts out, but as they're kind of important, we decided we had to leave them in. So we... edited them a little."  
  
"Oh boy..." said Scott.  
  
"Okay, this was a period in which several villains introduced themselves to the X-Men and then wouldn't go away again no matter _how_ many times they got trashed. I mean, you'd think that after losing for the fourth time they'd get the hint? I mean, so okay, they got the odd victory now and again, but really, like they ever had a chance against the X-Men. Though how you guys ever   
managed without me I don't know. Sometimes I wonder how you manage to get your shoelaces tied in the mornings..."  
  
"Jubilee." Skin called from behind the curtain.  
  
"What?"  
  
"Wasn't there something we were doing before you got onto this monologue."  
  
Jubilee considered. "Oh yeah! The mutant massacre! Sorry bout that."  
  
"No problem," replied Elizabeth dryly. "We used the time to make sure our shoelaces were tied."  
  
"Have I ever told you how much I admire you Betsy?"  
  
"No."  
  
"There's a reason for that you know. Anyway, one of the few times the bad guys ever got anything remotely resembling a victory, was when they ganged up on the Morlocks, a misfit group of mutants who lived in the underground sewers."  
  
The curtain opened to reveal Artie, Leech, and Franklin, dressed in mismatched clothing. The two former Morlocks and their friend smiled at the audience.  
  
"The X-Men had tangled with them in the past, resulting in Storm becoming their leader."   
  
M, as Storm, stepped out and briefly hugged the trio.  
  
"For various reasons, this group of mutants had chosen to live apart from humanity. So they hid down in the sewers." Jubilee sighed. "Unfortunately, some serious bad-asses decided to go in after them. They were mutants too, a group called the Marauders. Buncha lowlife scum for the most part. But it was at this point that Sabretooth, general bloodthirsty jerk, first made his ugly smelly   
self apparent, as a member of the Marauders." Jubilee smiled slyly at the audience.  
  
"Now, since noone here felt like dressing up as Sabretooth, we decided to settle on a more acceptable substitute. The others eventually talked me out of a burning effigy on the grounds that it wouldn't really work inside, so instead... it's pinata time!"  
  
A pinata was lowered from the roof by Synch, as M blindfolded the younger children. There was scattered laughter as the pinata swung around, and it became apparent that it roughly resembled Sabretooth. M handed Artie a baseball bat. Images of Artie beating Sabretooth over the head with it were projected out into the audience as the excited boy got ready for his first swing.  
  
"I don't know that this is such a good idea," murmured Scott.  
  
"I don't think the children would harm Artie and Leech," whispered Storm back. "This harmless game might even prove   
therapeutic." They sat back and watched as the pinata game began, the three younger children taking it in turns to try and burst the toy. After one try each, M looked up. "I think they need the special bat!" she called.  
  
The audience, who had been laughing along with the children, paused in some confusion. Then they quietened entirely as Skin brought out the 'special' bat. It was another baseball bat, this one with a Christmas tree angel on the end.  
  
Jubilee began talking as Leech stepped forward for a try with the special bat. "The X-Men were unable to prevent the massacre, as they were already occupied elsewhere. But one of their members did try valiantly to save the Morlocks. The Angel went down to fight the Marauders. He did his best, but was unable to prevail, and was badly injured in the struggle, losing his wings."  
  
Leech shouted out, "Angel!" and swung with all his might. The pinata burst and sweets flew out in all directions.  
  
The three kids (and some members of the audience) went scrambling for the goodies as Jubilee quietly added, "But his efforts are remembered."   
  
Elizabeth and Angel held hands, and then laughed as the trio of younger children, hands full of sweets and small,   
cheap toys, sat down at their feet and began to go through their loot, occasionally offering something to Betsy and Warren.  
  
"Maybe this wasn't such a good idea." Said Emma.  
  
"Eh? What are you talking about woman? They're enjoying themselves!" Sean retorted.  
  
"No, I'm just thinking of all the junk food they're eating. What with the smores in the previous section, and now all this junk, they'll make themselves sick!"  
  
"Won't be sick!" said Franklin staunchly, with his mouth full of chocolate. Leech and Artie nodded in agreement, mouths too full of sweets to say anything. Then Leech hiccuped. Emma sighed. "He's going green Sean."  
  
"He's _always_ been green Emma."  
  
"Just for that, you can drive them back in _your_ car."  
  
"Uhhhh..."  
  
Jubilee grinned. "But anyway, not all of the Morlocks, died, many survived. But lots of them did die. Sigh. And then, just when you thought nothing else could go wrong, the X-Men got a call for help from Madeline Pryor, Scott Summers most beloved wife."  
  
Husk ran onto the stage, clutching a bundle in her arms.  
  
"Scott and co were off-planet at the time, so it fell to the X-Men to rescue her from... guess who? The Marauders! Naturally, the X-Men were more than happy to do serious pain unto those creeps. But there was just one eensy-weensy problem."  
  
Mondo stepped onto the stage, wearing a green wig on his head.  
  
"This is the problem. Yeah yeah I know but it was the best we could do. Meet Lorna Dane, AKA Polaris! Unfortunately for the X-Men, at the time she was possessed by the psychic Marauder, Malice! Ergo, noone really wanted to hurt her, but she was causing serious problems for the good guys."  
  
Husk and Mondo looked at each other, then Husk ran off stage, Mondo in hot pursuit. "I'll get you, and your little baby too!" Mondo/Lorna yelled.  
  
Jubilee jumped back into conversation as soon as they were out of sight: "A quick update on where exactly everyone is at the moment.... Scott and co, the 'original' X-Men, now going by the name X-Factor, are off planet doing stuff. Storm is also away, off in some other dimension after a failed attempt to regain her powers (which got nullified some time back when some useless Government jerks tried to go after Rogue and missed. What a bunch of maroons). And Magneto is sorta still leading the team, however he's kinda busy teaching the New Mutants, and trying to keep them from getting into trouble and having adventures when   
he's not looking. Fat chance. Havoc is back on board, cos he wants the teams help in finding Lorna, and Rogue is sporting the most incredible hairdo which seems to involve sticking her fingers into a power socket every morning till you look like the Bride of Frankenstein. And you thought nothing could make that skunk stripe look worse."  
  
"Hey!"  
  
"Also on board are Longshot, who came from another dimension, and Alison Blair, the Dazzler. Man, I heard one of her songs on the easy listening channel the other day. Oh yeah, Wolverine and Psylocke are still around too. I think that's everyone. So anyway, the X-Men..."  
  
The audience started laughing as the 'team' filed back onto the stage one by one - this time around the roles were slightly different. Husk was wearing purple filmy off-the-shoulder clothes, and kept presing her hand against her forehead.  
  
"AAAAAAHHHH!" screamed Bobby. "Not more! It hurts, it hurts!"  
  
Husk paused in front of the audience and pressed both hands to her temples. "Captain, I sense pain!" she said melodramatically.   
  
Hank and Bobby howled with laughter. Following Husk was Jonathan, once again wearing Havoc's old wire helmety thing. Then Synch walked on in Wolverine costume, followed by Monet as Rogue. Rogue fumed in the audience as the others laughed. Monet was wearing a cheap 'Bride of Frankenstein' wig.  
  
"Grrrr..." Rogue growled. "It was _punk_. It was _fashionable_." She glared at Joseph, who was trying hard not to laugh. "Ah wouldn't laugh if Ah were you... bucket-head." She caught sight of Sam laughing, "And Ah saw some of the clunkers you wore too boy!"  
  
"Ahem." Jubilee interrupted. "Before this conversation degenerates..."  
  
"TOO LATE!" everyone yelled.  
  
"Like, I was referring to Rogue's Vanity Fair commentary, ANYWAY, Madeline was in serious trouble. The Marauders had   
stolen the rugrat, and erased all trace of her existence (except the memories of those who knew her of course) and now they were coming after her."  
  
Artie and Leech walked on the opposite side of the stage.  
  
"Roar!" they yelled (okay, Leech yelled).  
  
"Those are supposed to be the Marauders?" Bobby yelled.  
  
The 'X-Men' grinned amongst themselves and towered menacingly over Artie and Leech, who looked nervous. "I figure as approximations go this is about right." Jubilee replied. "Like those second rate dweebs could cause any serious problems to the X-Men."  
  
Mondo popped up behind the two, still with a green wig on. He scowled at Jubilee.  
  
"Of course having Polaris did give them something of an unfair advantage, and evened out the fight."  
  
The 'X-Men' started looking worried. 'Havoc' stepped forward to plead with 'Polaris', but with a wave of her hand he fell over.  
  
"But ultimately the Marauders were defeated. Storm successfully suckering... Storm?" Jubilee halted and stared at her cue cards.  
  
"But she ain't even s'posed to be here yet, and anyway she's got her powers and that shouldn't be till after... or maybe that's another battle... What's next? The destruction of Avalon?! No _way_ that's ages after this..."  
  
Jubilee froze and stared intently at the top left of the card. Synch started sweating.  
  
"Alright," Jubilee snarled with menace. "Who shuffled my cue cards?!!!"  
  
"Aaaaahhh!" Synch ran for it, "It was an accident... really!"  
  
"You're gonna die Synch, I spent _ages_ doin' this and..." Jubilee started to run after him and then stopped.  
  
"Okay, I'm hopelessly confused now. But like I said, the X-Men took Maddie with them. Then they had to go quick to help Storm, without powers, but back in this dimension along with Forge, try to defeat this evil entity that had kidnapped them both. This was known as the Fall of the Mutants and, owing to technical difficulties, will be postponed until the next section, right after I kill Everett. Back in ten." The curtain closed hastily as Jubilee dove under it."  
  
"You're a dead man Synch! Dead! That's D-E-A-D! Dead dead dead!!!!"  
  
The audience rolled in the aisles as Synch's screams accelerated.  
  
"THEY'LL NEVER FIND THE BODY!!!!"  



	5. Part Five

***  
Generation X Presents:  
A Short (and somewhat inaccurate) History of the X-Men  
Part Five (of 12)  
by Jaelle  
***  
  
This story takes place after Onslaught and before that Bastion dork came along. It also doesn't quite fit into continuity, but oh well, that's never stopped Marvel!  
  
Generation X and the X-Men are all trademarks of Marvel Entertainment. No attempt is being made to infringe on these trademarks. Blah blah blah.   
  
***  
  
"Once more unto the breach dear friends," Jubilee proclaimed as she stepped through the curtain. "Sorry about the abrupt ending there last time folks, it won't happen again." She paused, "_Will_ it Synch?"  
  
A low moan was her only answer. The audience giggled.  
  
"Anyway, when we last left our intrepid heroes."  
  
Generation X, in various costumes, jumped out from behind the curtains. "Ta daaaa!"  
  
"Were about to tackle the fall of the mutants."  
  
The GenX team drooped and withered, "AWWWWWW!!!!" they all chorused.  
  
"Do we havta?" asked Paige, currently dressed as Rogue. "That one really sucks."  
  
"Okay, how bout we skip to the Inferno then?" asked Jubilee.  
  
Multiple groans from the cast.  
  
"That was even worse." bitched Synch, as Colossus. "I went through a real bad patch during that one."  
  
"The time spent in Australia?"  
  
There was even louder complaining from the 'X-Men.'  
  
Jubilee put her hands on her hips. "Look. Noone said life as an X-Man was easy."  
  
Mass grumbling and shuffling of feet.  
  
Jubilee sighed, "Trip to save the Shi'ar?"  
  
"Noooooooo!!!" howled Skin, currently wearing one of Gambits trenchcoats. "That was icky!"  
  
"Icky?" asked Gambit in the audience. "Icky?!"  
  
"The Shadow King saga then. Final offer."  
  
"Bleaaah," replied GenX.  
  
"ICKY?!"  
  
"Get over it Gambit." advised Bobby.  
  
"Dat's alright for you to say. _You_ didn't jus' use de word 'icky'."  
  
Jubilee threw up her hands. "Okay, FINE then. Since we can't decide, we'll do it ALL anyway. Ahem. The Fall of the Mutants."  
  
GenX grumbled and walked slowly offstage. Jubilee waited impatiently as some of them trickled back onstage, wearing the correct costumes.  
  
"The Fall of the Mutants was caused by a totally evil dude, who had taken over the body of Forge's mentor, whose name has temporarily slipped my mind so we'll call him Fred. Oh Freeeeed!"  
  
"Hra! Hra! Hneee! Wooooooargh!" roared Mondo. "And now I will destroy you all!"  
  
"Shaman," muttered Storm. "His name was Shaman, that's not so hard to remember is it?"  
  
"Ssssh."  
  
"We will defeat you, _Shaman_." said M pointedly, as Storm, glaring out into the audience. "All of us will willingly... ARGH!"  
  
A flashbulb exploded in front of her eyes and she staggered back.  
  
"Smile!" chirped Leech, as he aimed his camera at her again.  
  
"Oh yeah, this particular section of history is well documented cos there was this newshound around, taking photos and filming the whole thing." Jubilee smiled and made a peace sign as Leech aimed the camera at her. She blinked in the aftermath of the flash, and carried on.   
  
"Anyways... the X-Men, the newshound, oh, and Madeline Pryor, Jeanie being somewhat dead during this part of   
the history, were trying to stop the evil dude. Problem was, Storm had no powers, on account of Forge making a gun that could take away the powers of a mutant. The government dudes were supposed to use it on Rogue, but since we all know that those losers couldn't hit the broad side of a barn, they hit Storm instead. Way to go Uncle Sam, nice to know our tax dollars are being put to good use."  
  
The audience roared with laughter.  
  
"Amen!" yelled Bobby.  
  
"Ain't that the truth!" agreed Logan. "Always thought those bunch were more of a risk to themselves than to us."  
  
"Anyway," Jubilee continued, "Storm had been leading the team anyway, without her powers."   
  
Music started up in the background, the rest of GenX moved to the back of the stage and M posed, 'vogue'-style as the song "I'm Too Sexy" played.  
  
"I'm, too sexy for my powers, too sexy for my powers, can go without em for hours." chanted M. "And I'm, too sexy for the government, too sexy for the government... we couldn't think of anything that rhymed with government..."*  
  
[* Actually, I did think of something that rhymed with government finally, but I couldn't think of a way to fit "breath mint" into the song. - Jae :-)]  
  
The audience laughed hysterically as GenX all began posing and singing:  
  
"She's an X-Man, you know what I mean, And she does her little thing for the human race. Oh the human race, yeah the human race, And she shakes her funky powers for the human race!"  
  
"But eventually, Storm decided that it was time to go get em back."  
  
M, as Storm, walked offstage. Moments later there was a huge shriek. "FORGE!!! I WANT MY POWERS BACK!!!! What is   
THAT???!!! AAAAAAAAAAIIIIIIEEEEE!!!!!!!!!"  
  
"Unfortunately," grinned Jubilee. "She walked in at a real bad moment, and wound up getting shanghaied into an alternate earth with Forge. Trays romantique, nessy pas?"  
  
Gambit flinched.  
  
"But she got back, _with_ powers, just in time to join the X-Men in beating up the guy who did the whole thing. The... something-or-other... Alternator, Otherworlder, Percolator... something like that. They all sound the same to me. Evil dude."  
  
M floated down from the sky, still wearing Storms leather 'biker'-style costume.  
  
"We know she's s'posed to be dressed in a simple shift type thing," Jubilee mentioned. "But it looked kind of boring, and M has this thing for leather."  
  
"Oooooh, okaaaaaay." Said the audience.  
  
"What's wrong with having a thing for leather?" asked the White Queen, Storm and Rogue. The people around them stared.  
  
"Whoa, there's more information than I really needed," said Jubilee. "So, anyway, battle... Okay, picture if you will a city, in which a battle between ultimate good and evil is shaping up. On the bad side we have... the Evil Dude in Shaman's body."  
  
Mondo stepped forward and growled, shaking his fists at the audience.  
  
"And on the good side we have - the X-Men! Storm, Rogue, Wolverine, Havoc, Psylocke, Dazzler, Longshot, Colossus, Madeline Pryor, Forge, and the reporter guy, whose name has been lost in the winds of time. Unfortunately, since we don't have that many people ourselves, we present a selection of the above figures."  
  
M stood forward as Storm. Behind her posed Husk as Rogue (she'd only husked the hair this time), Synch as Forge (with tin foil wrapped around one leg), Skin as Havoc (with requisite silly head thing), Chamber as Longshot (with a mop on his head), Artie (projecting claw images) and Leech (with a camera).  
  
Jubilee rang a bell. "Gentlemen, and ladies, when I ring this bell again, come out of your corners fighting!" *DING*  
  
Mondo roared and ran forward and 'Rogue' ran forward to meet him. Paige was now in a metal form with skunk-streaked hair. Mondo reached her and grabbed her shoulders. She broke the hold and threw him over her shoulder. Mondo kicked her off her feet, picked her up and spun around, holding her overhead. He was about to throw her down when 'Storm' danced close. Paige reached out and slapped her outstretched hand just as Mondo let go of her. She landed behind him on the stage and lay still.   
  
Mondo turned to face M, who ran away from him, into the stage wall, bounced off it and clotheslined him. Then she leapt into the air and came down elbow first into his gut.   
  
The audience roared as she stood up and triumphantly shook her hands overhead, walking up and down the stage. Behind her, Mondo stood. He grabbed her by the back of the jacket, pulled her back and then ran her off the stage. The audience ducked, expecting her to come crashing down among them.  
  
When the law of gravity failed to provide them with this they looked up to where M was hovering in midair. She grinned, waved and flew over to slap the hands of 'Forge' (Synch) and 'Havoc' (Skin).   
  
Skin and Synch moved forward slowly, circling Mondo, who roared at them. Synch waited for Mondo's back to be turned to him, then slapped the hands of 'Longshot' (Jonathan), 'Wolverine' (Artie) and the reporter (Leech).   
  
Synch then unwrapped the tinfoil from his leg and held it up like a shield. Leech aimed his camera at the tinfoil, whilst Artie crawled behind Mondo. Leech took a picture, and the camera flash was 'reflected' off the tinfoil into Mondo's eyes. He pretended to have been blinded by this and reeled. Just then Jonathan and Skin charged him, smashing into him and knocking him backwards over 'Wolverine'. Then the whole team piled on top of him, including the recovered 'Rogue' and 'Storm'.  
  
"And the winnah - the X-Men!!!!" yelled Jubilee, moving forward and holding M's hand up. "But WAIT! What's this?"  
  
Mondo surged to his feet, spilling 'X-Men' left and right.  
  
"It turns out that this beastie is harder to stop than everyone thought. Bring on Roma..." Jubilee looked around. "Oh Roma... oh, wait, that's me. Heh." She faked a grin.  
  
"Yep, it turns out that to totally get rid of the evil guy, the X-Men must give up their essences and, well, die. Sorta. So, being heros and it being in the job description and all, they do." The 'X-Men' link hands around Mondo and they all sink to their knees. Leech sadly took one last picture and headed offstage.  
  
"But wait! There's more! Turns out we can't keep him locked up anyway, so Roma brings them back." said Jubilee.  
  
The 'X-Men' stood up and looked around.  
  
"But now everyone thinks they're dead, which kind of makes it hard to get your mail delivered, so they decide that it's time for an all-new all-different X-Men. And, in an astonishing break from the usual tradition of past changes, which is of course, new costumes." Jubilee grinned. "They decide that they could all do with a nice holiday and change of view, so this calls for a   
headquarters shift, and where could be better than to move to New Zealand! Unfortunately they kind of missed and landed in Australia. Darn.*"  
  
[* Readers may note that yours truly is from New Zealand and hence totally biased. Apologies to any Ockers reading this. You'd've done the same if it was the other way around I'm sure. :-) - Jae.]  
  
The 'X-Men' all donned large hats with corks dangling from the brims and formed up in a line. The music began again:  
  
"We're, too sexy for Manchester, too sexy for Manchester, LA and Westchester!  
And we're, too sexy for Milan, too sexy for Milan, New York and Japan!  
We're the X-Men, you know what I mean,  
And we do our little thing for the human race.  
Oh the human race, yeah the human race,  
And we do our little bit for the human race!  
And we're, too sexy for this song."  
  
The music came to an abrupt end and the 'X-Men' walked offstage, heads held high.  
  
"Break time again," said Jubilee. "Smoke em if ya got em, next part - the X-Men down under in Godzone. Later!" 


	6. Part Six

***  
Generation X Presents:  
A Short (and somewhat inaccurate) History of the X-Men  
Part Six (of 12)  
by Jaelle  
***  
  
This story takes place after Onslaught and before that Bastion dork came along. It also doesn't quite fit into continuity, but oh well, that's never stopped Marvel!  
  
Generation X and the X-Men are all trademarks of Marvel Entertainment. No attempt is being made to infringe on these trademarks. Blah blah blah.   
  
***  
  
"Welcome back!" Jubilee said, walking onstage. She peered out at the audience. "Wow, no casualties yet. The audience is still whole, here, and most importantly - awake! You guys must be real masochists. Then again, that's probably why you're in this biz instead of something sensible, like, say, accounting."  
  
"BLEAGH!" yelled Bobby. "I'd rather die!"  
  
"I think you did a time or two Bobby," pointed out Jubilee. "Ah, but enough cheerful banter. In this part of the story we move on to the Inferno. And no, I'm not referring to the weather in the Australian desert."  
  
"Y'aren't far off though," noted Rogue. "It was scorching there! Ah spent all mah time in shorts and bikinis."  
  
In perfect synchronisation Gambit and Joseph slapped their foreheads and cried out, "D'oh!"  
  
"Thanks for stealing the scene Rogue," said Jubilee. "And we haven't even started yet! Sheesh! Well, to bring you up to speed, when last seen, the X-Men were all dead. Dead! Dead! Dead! Deceased! Passed-on! They were ex-X-Men!"  
  
Everyone groaned.  
  
"Two more X's and they could have been an Australian beer." Added Jubilee. "Which is a strange coincidence, since that's where they all headed next. Australia. Down Under."  
  
"Down under what?" asked Joseph.  
  
"I suppose someone had to ask." Jubilee sighed.  
  
"_Anyway_, before the X-Men could set up shop, they first had to move a bunch of cyberhead free-loaders out of the place, namely the Reavers. This was done without much ado, but unfortunately it was one of those things which would come back to haunt our faithful heros. Not that this is anything new. It seems the X-Men can't even do the dishes without it coming back to haunt them.  
  
Synch staggered on stage, wearing a pot on his head, a pot lid as a shield, knives, forks and spoons tucked into his belt and holding a dish like a discus. "Revenge!" he croaked. "Revenge for all the plates Colossus broke, for all the bent forks from people practicing telekinesis at the dinner table... for all the days between being cleaned... I demand REVENGE!"  
  
"Okay, so we're exagerating in this instance." said Jubilee, as Synch staggered offstage. "But not by very much."  
  
"So anyway, this marked a new time for the X-Men. Finally, they could take a break."  
  
The 'X-Men' (Skin as Wolverine, Jono as Havok, Paige as Rogue, M as Storm and Mondo as Colossus) tromped onto the stage carrying elaborate coloured cocktails with umbrellas in them, deckchairs, sunglasses and books.  
  
"For about five minutes," Jubilee added.  
  
The 'X-Men' groaned.  
  
"Hey come on, saving the world is a full-time job. Now let's see, what disasters do we have in store for a good little mutant group?"  
  
The 'X-Men' gulped their drinks, and flicked through the books while Jubilee consulted her cue cards. "Ah HA!" she pronounced. "Firstly we get the alien invasion of Australia."  
  
"What?" said Sean. "I never heard about that?"  
  
"Not many people did," said Logan. "Nice guys for invaders, no good at poker though."  
  
"Ooookay..."  
  
"Oh come on Jubes," said Paige. "That was practically a non-event. Most people slept through it."  
  
"Oh, alright. Moving along... actually there were a lot of little things happening during this time. Nothing momentous."  
  
The 'X-Men' grinned and started setting out their deck chairs again.  
  
"Except..." Jubilee grinned evilly, "for the first encounter with, you guessed it, something which would come back to haunt them later - the Island Nation of Genosha!"  
  
"AAAAAAAAHHHH!" complained the 'X-Men'.  
  
"Poopie." Paige pouted. "This is where Ah go schizo, right?"  
  
"Bada bing bada boom!" said Jubilee. "It all started..." she waited for the others to move the deck chairs off the stage, "a long long time ago, when a plane in the Aussie outback went down in a botched kidnap attempt by the Genoshans. And who was the first one on the scene but Rogue, displaying her supersonic speeds for the last time in X-Men history."  
  
"Rogue can fly at supersonic speeds?" asked Joseph stupidly.  
  
"Well, practically." said Jubilee. "Certainly she can fly really really fast."  
  
"Oh yeah," said Rogue. "I forgot all about that!"  
  
"Me too," said Storm. "I wonder why you don't use it anymore?"  
  
Rogue shrugged.  
  
"So, Rogue arrived on the scene." Jubilee continued. Paige as Rogue zoomed onto the stage and looked around. "Got the people - items, one nurse and one pilot, to safety. The end."  
  
There was a pause, Paige looked at Jubilee with an expression that clearly said, 'you took me away from my tan for _this_'?  
  
"Oh wait!" said Jubilee, "There's more on the other side!" she turned over her cue cards.  
  
"At the hospital, the nurse, who turned out to be a native of Genosha, and _utterly_ _coincidentally_ a mutant and engaged to the Gengineers son, was kidnapped. Rogue and Wolverine unfortunately got in the way of the teleportation thingy, and got grabbed too, sent to Genosha, and stripped of their powers, not to mention their clothes. Kinky. Also captured at this time was Madeline Pryor, who I believe had been flying said plane when it was blown up."  
  
Skin as Wolverine walked onto the stage, and stood next to Paige. The rest of the team in combat gear surrounded them.  
  
"Whilst incarcerated, Rogue handed over the reins to her buried absorbed personality, Carol Danvers."  
  
Paige as Rogue dropped her head, then raised it again with an evil grin on her face.  
  
"HAAAAAAAI-YA!" She shouted, and launched into a karate kicking attack. GenX as one clutched their sides.  
  
"OW! AH! ARRRRRHHHHHH!!!!" They shouted as one, and then collapsed.  
  
"And that display of truly bad acting wins todays Kevin Costner cup," said Jubilee, looking down at M, who had landed at her feet.  
  
"Rogue/Carol and Wolverine escaped and generally made a nuisance of themselves, rescuing the nurse in the process. Maddie spent her time weirding out the Gengineer with strange occurences, whilst in the meantime the rest of the X-Men had arrived! Yay!"  
  
"Eventually Rogue and Wolvy managed to get their powers back, convince the Gengineers son that all was not well in the state of Genosha, rescue Maddie and the other girl, and meet up with their teammates."  
  
"Remind me again why exactly we're here when we could have been at home drinking tequilas?" asked M as Storm.  
  
"We're here to rescue our teammates Storm," said Skin as Havok.  
  
"They seem to be doing just fine without us." pointed out M.  
  
"Yeah, but look at this place."  
  
The 'X-Men' elaborately looked around. "Looks fine to me," objected Mondo. "Looks just like Genosha Island and City."  
  
"Exactly," said 'Havok'. "The whole place is still standing. No random property damage at all."  
  
The 'X-Men' all looked round and oohed and aahed. Mondo pulled out a camera and began taking pictures.  
  
"Tch tch, Logan must be getting old," said 'Storm'.  
  
There was a 'snickt' sound from the audience.  
  
"Well, it's up to us to rescue our friends and leave the city in ruins!" said Mondo, who was dressed, for some strange reason, in a blue costume with a gold star on it.  
  
Jean Grey felt the entire audience, as one, think, *why is _he_ cast as Dazzler?*.  
  
"Don't you feel the vibes telling you so?" Mondo said to Skin.  
  
*Oh.* Thought the entire audience.  
  
"Anyway," said Jubilee, reclaiming the attention, "the X-Men snuck in and began their programme of random destruction."  
  
"Hey," said Betsy. "We didn't do _that_ much damage... the first time." Evil grins were had all round.  
  
"Oh really?" said Jubilee. "We now present exhibit A. Once the X-Men were all reunited and had had a little chat with the Gengineer and so on, reunited the mutant nurse and her true love Philip, the Gengineers son, Havok, a man _not_ known for his subtlety, blew up the main monument tower in Genosha in order to make a point. You'd think they'd be able to take a hint wouldn't you? But noooooooo. But more on that later, the X-Men were able to head back to their HQ, there to face an even greater threat."  
  
GenX crawled off the stage and there was a pause. Then Paige stepped out to the front. She had red hair and green eyes this time round, and was wearing a flight suit. She also had a very evil smile on her face. She patted her hair.  
  
"Unbeknownst to the rest of the team, Madeline had been having a very bad time lately. The attempts on her life, the stealing of her son, and her temporary death and exile to Australia were not things guaranteed to make her happy. Then she made a worse discovery - it seemed that X-Factor were back from space and Jean Grey was back from the dead and they were all back together again, including Maddie's husband Scott Summers. Madeline decided it was time to register a complaint about the whole thing. So instead of getting a really good divorce lawyer and suing Scott for everything he had like any sensible person she did a   
deal with the devil. Literally."  
  
Paige as Madeline smiled widely and reached up and husked away her skin and costume. Her new form had much wilder hair and more risque clothes. She was now wearing a black leotard.  
  
"Maddie's actual Goblin Queen costume was much more risque than this," Jubilee said. "But someone mentioned the words "Sam", "older brother" and "shotgun" to me, so we took a few liberties. I mean, compared to what we're doing to the history - who cares if the costume is a little inaccurate?"  
  
Sam nodded grimly in the audience. The others concealed smiles.  
  
"Maddie decided, as you do, that what she really wanted was to kill Jean Grey and sacrifice her own son Nathan, in order to create hell on earth. Well heck, you know what they say about a woman scorned." said Jubilee. "And so we wound up with the demon invasion of earth. Fortunately it was concentrated in Manhattan so very few people noticed."  
  
Snorts of laughter from the audience.  
  
"This was the Inferno," Jubilee's voice became deeper, more menacing. "A time of madness. When X-Man fought X-Man and X-Factor fought all of them. When the heros became demons. This period marked a momentous event - all four of the then X-teams were involved in one way or another. For the New Mutants, it was a fight for the life and soul of their teammate Illyana, the Darkchilde. This fight came out even, Illyana lived in a new incarnation - as the child she should have been, who would later..."   
  
Jubilee's voice choked to a halt. She shook her head and continued. "It also marked their own trial by fire, as they met new teammates and, having witnessed their betrayal by their then headmaster, decided to move on alone. Excalibur too were involved, when teammate Meggan was turned into a demon. But the main story is that of what happened when X-Factor, who had disappeared and been assumed dead, met the X-Men, who had also disappeared and been assumed dead." She wiped her eyes. "Boy, no wonder we can't get life insurance!"  
  
Laughter. Cries of "Or health insurance!" and "Or ANYTHING insurance!" Cheered, Jubilee moved on.  
  
"So anyway, the demon reign had this really weird effect on everyone. It fried their hair and made their costumes rip."  
  
GenX as the X-Men and X-Factor walked onstage. Paige moved to one side to make room for Jono as Havok, who was wearing his standard trenchcoat and scarf... and shorts. All in black.  
  
"Again, the actual outfit was much more, er, brief than this, but Jono objected, violently, to historical accuracy. Something I hope will be noted in his end of term marks. Oh, and Banshee, we're sorry about the pool table."  
  
Banshee buried his head in his hands.  
  
Paige linked an arm through Jono's and rubbed her head against his shoulder.  
  
*What are you doing gel?*  
  
*Just getting into the part.* Paige responded sweetly.  
  
Jono looked at her nervously, *must be the red hair*.  
  
The rest of Gen X, in a variety of roles, lined up on opposite sides of the room. M was still dressed as Storm, now wearing a lot of leather and with her hair tied up into a high tail, led the 'X-Men'. Skin next to her was Wolverine. Behind them danced Leech and Artie in miniature Dazzler and Longshot costumes, a solitary torch light shining on them.  
  
Opposite this group was 'X-Factor', with Synch as Scott and Mondo as Iceman. Penance stood off to one side, evidently playing the role of Jean Grey (it was hard to tell, most of her costumes didn't really last very long, and underneath she was dressed as normal.  
  
"The two X-groups faced each other, each nervous and tense. Each totally convinced that the other group were fakes created by the demon reign. They watched."  
  
The two 'X-groups' stared at each other... tension apparent.  
  
"and watched..."  
  
Skin flexed his 'claws' and strained forward.  
  
"and watched..."  
  
Synch readjusted his 'visor'.  
  
"and watched..."  
  
Mondo leant so far forward he fell over.  
  
"Yes! I was waiting for that to someone!" said Jubilee.  
  
"And watched..."  
  
"WILL YOU GET ON WITH IT!!!!!" Yelled Bobby from the audience. "The tension is KILLING ME!"  
  
"and watched..." said Jubilee.  
  
"Don't encourage her," snapped Emma.  
  
Silence. Jubilee watched the audience. The audience watched her. Shrugging, she smiled and said, "and then they fought."  
  
Both 'X-groups' collapsed, exhausted from the battle of wills.  
  
Jubilee sighed. "Oh well. We never did get the fight choreographed correctly anyway."  
  
"I still think the mud was wrong," said M.  
  
"Ssh." said Jubes. "The important bit was that Maddie Pryor, yes, remember her? Looked down on the fight and decided that she didn't like the way it was going. Added to which her baby called out to Jean Grey."  
  
"Hey, honey!" yelled Jono.  
  
There was a pause.  
  
"I was referring to the _baby_ baby dummy," said Jubilee.  
  
"Oh sorry." said Jono. "Where is the little thing?"  
  
"Catch!" Synch chucked a small blanket wrapped object over. Jono caught it and handed it casually to Paige, who was shaking her head.  
  
"Remind me to never ask you guys to babysit," she said. "Gimmee." Paige held the 'baby' gently.  
  
"Now where were we?"  
  
"Little Nathan called out to Jean Grey," prompted Jubilee.  
  
'Madeline Pryor' nodded and swiftly moved the 'baby'. "Ma-ma." it said mechanically.  
  
There was an overwhelming silence as everyone fought the urge to laugh or look at Cable, whose face was completely, carefully blank. Sam looked at his old teacher, Cable stared impassively at him, then opened his mouth.  
  
"It's... NOT... funny."  
  
The entire audience (and the cast) broke down in tears and laughter. Scott and Jean howled loudest of all, with Wolverine and Sam coming a close second. The show came crashing to a halt as chaos reigned. 


	7. Part Seven

***  
Generation X Presents:  
A Short (and somewhat inaccurate) History of the X-Men  
Part Seven (of 12)  
by Jaelle  
***  
  
This story takes place after Onslaught and before that Bastion dork came along. It also doesn't quite fit into continuity, but oh well, that's never stopped Marvel!  
  
Generation X and the X-Men are all trademarks of Marvel Entertainment. No attempt is being made to infringe on these trademarks. Blah blah blah.   
  
***  
  
Chaos and hilarity continued to reign as a result of Cable's stern denial of his involvement in the Inferno. During this, the 'Nathan baby' doll was jogged out of Paige's hands and chorused "Ma-ma" once more, prolonging the laughter. Finally though, the tears were wiped from eyes and shaking bodies picked themselves up off the floor and back into their seats.  
  
Eventually, Generation X were able to stand back up in some semblance of their earlier poses.  
  
"Ah... ah... oh the pain. Make it stop." Jubilee clutched her sides as she tried to stop laughing. She took a few deep breaths and straightened. "Where were we, oh yeah, the Inferno." Another few deep breaths.  
  
"And so Madeline Pryor," Paige stumbled to her feet, "prepared to do battle with her nemesis Jean Grey."   
  
Penance watched as the others picked themselves up around her.  
  
"Madeline was severely ticked off because Jean had taken her entire life - her husband, and her child, away from her. Finding out that she was a clone of Jean didn't make her any happier. She was especially upset that her son Nathan had cri... had called... ah ah aha ah... hadcalledouttoJeanforhelpandsoshetriedtokillher." Jubilee took a deep breath, "Phew."  
  
Paige let out a screech and ran over to Penance, and grabbed her shoulders gently. Then she froze.  
  
The audience waited patiently. Nothing happened. After about a minute they began to shuffle around and look at Jubilee expectantly. Jubilee watched Paige and Penance intently. After another two minutes of this, Bobby finally piped up.  
  
"Hey, what's going on."  
  
"Duh, they're battling it out telepathically stupid." said Jubilee. "Ssh, you'll distract them."  
  
Bobby subsided, looking puzzled. Just then all of the watching Generation X gasped in shock, ten seconds later, Paige crumpled to the floor.  
  
"What? What? What happened?" Squawked Sam.  
  
Jubilee looked sad, "And so Jean Grey was triumphant over Madeline Pryor, who was killed in their battle."  
  
Paige stood up and dusted herself off as the other members of Generation X crowded around her.  
  
"Wow Paige, that was brilliant," said Skin. "When you hit her with that attack I thought it was all over."  
  
"Yeah, and that block - smooth moves Hayseed."  
  
"Penny you were FANTASTIC! The way you hit her at the end was just... incredible!"  
  
"What are you all _talking_ about?" demanded Emma.  
  
"The telepathic battle of course," said Jubilee. "Weren't you paying attention? And we worked so hard on it!"  
  
Generation X looked completely downcast. Paige looked on the verge of tears.  
  
"Er no, it was great!" Said Sean. "Fantastic."  
  
"Well done," agreed Roberto, "Couldn't have done it better myself."  
  
"Excellent work," added Bobby.  
  
"Really?" gasped Jubilee. "Oh, you don't know how much that _means_ to us." Generation X all nodded furiously.  
  
"I think we've been had." Said Hank quietly to Jean.  
  
"Oh my yes." She replied with a smile.  
  
Joseph and Gambit started applauding furiously and the others all joined in, many openly grinning at the way they'd been suckered. Generation X bowed and waved, basking in the applause. They started to move offstage.  
  
"Hang on!" said Jubilee. "Where do you lot think you're going?"  
  
"To... get changed for the next segment?" suggested Paige.  
  
"We haven't finished _this_ one yet." said Jubilee, "Get back to your places."  
  
"But... but the demons are all gone!"  
  
"All but one all too human demon." Jubilee corrected, "Now, places."  
  
GenX took up various poses around the stage.  
  
"Madeline Pryor lay dead, the demons vanquished. All seemed still, but there was one final evil to defeat!"  
  
The lights went out, a spotlight clicked on and a shadowy figure stood towering over GenX. His head seemed shaped strangely like Colossus'.  
  
A gasp rose from the audience. The figure raised its arms and Synch cried out and fell to his knees.  
  
"I... am..." the figure paused...  
  
  
  
"MITHTER THINITHTER!!!!!"  
  
  
(pause)  
  
(pause)  
  
"MITHTER THINITHTER?" repeated the entire audience in tones of shocked incredulity.  
  
"What, ith there an echo in here?" Asked the figure. The lights clicked back on and Franklin Richards adjusted the square helmet he wore and wobbled on the step ladder.  
  
"Jubes, are you quite sure about the lisp?" Asked Skin in a harsh, carrying whisper.  
  
"Trutht me."  
  
The audience broke up.  
  
"Oh god oh god oh god," Scott panted. "If I ever see him again I'm not going to be able to keep a straight face.'Mithter Thinithter!' BWAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"  
  
"Now, that's not very polite Jubilee." Reproved Sean, before cracking up.  
  
"Ah well, got a laugh didn't it?" Jubilee shrugged.  
  
"It just had a nice ring to it I thought. So anyway, Mith... I mean _Mis_ter Sinister had revealed himself.  
  
"Yeth... I mean yes!" Franklin piped up. "It was me! I did it all! I set you up when you were a kid, I ruined your life, nyah nyah nenny nyah! I ate the last cookie in the cookie jar! I alphabetised your files! I broke your glasses and overfed your goldfish, me me me!"  
  
"Why you... you EVIL FIEND!" cried Synch as Scott.  
  
"_AND_ I was the one who recorded over the season finale of Black Adder before you could watch it!"  
  
Cries of "Monster!" from the audience.  
  
Franklin warmed to his role.  
  
"It was me that rang you up at 3 in the morning to ask if your lights were burning! I defrosted your fridge. I swapped your jamaican coffee for instant!"  
  
"AAAH! NOOOO! EVIL EVIL EVIL!" screamed Warren from the audience.  
  
"_I_ was the one who put a crease in your special limited edition issue one of _The Special Ones_! I took your entire Archie run out of their mylar bags and put em in ordinary ones! I got your cat high on catnip! It was me who put the magnet in with your computer disks! I copied your essays and sold them to other students! I put the itching powder in your shorts! I watered your pot   
plants with beer! NYAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!"  
  
The audience booed and hissed.  
  
"And finally," Franklin leant forward. "I created a clone of the woman you loved so that I could get a baby of your genetic material. And what are you going to do about it, huh?"  
  
"GET HIM!!!!!" roared the 'X-Men' and 'X-Factor', launching themselves at Franklin. Skin lunged forward and tripped on his trailing fingers, falling flat on his face. Mondo tripped over him and landed on top of him, bringing M and Leech down with him. Artie jumped in to help and was squished by Paige (now revived and playing the role of Rogue).  
  
Franklin raised his arms, "I am triumphant."  
  
"Scott!" Squeaked Jubilee in a high voice from behind Penance, who was still being Jean. "We need Scott!"  
  
"I'll get him," said 'Havok' (Jono). He stood in front of Synch, who was kneeling and watching in horror.  
  
"Come on big brother, you've got to stop him!"  
  
"I... I CAN'T!" cried 'Scott'.  
  
"Oh yes you can!" yelled Jono.  
  
"Oh no I can't!"  
  
"OH YES YOU CAN!" yelled Jono and the entire audience.  
  
"Quick, clap if you believe in fairies!" said Jono. Everyone stared at him. "Sorry, wrong genre." He turned back to Scott.  
  
"Scott, you have to. Come on, think of all the things he's done to you. Don't you even feel a little angry?"  
  
"A bit."  
  
"Hmmm..." Jono shook his head. "I'll just have to annoy you into getting angry then." he leaned forwards. "People who leave their shoes all over the front porch."  
  
"Argh! No!"  
  
"Yes," 'Havok' continued relentlessly. "People who use forks instead of knives, and who don't use napkins"  
  
"AAAAHHH!!!"  
  
Scott in the audience was indignant, "I'm not like that!" he complained.  
  
Jono looked at him, "Oh yeah? What about people who change lanes without indicating?"  
  
Scott looked taken aback, "But that's just pure rudeness, and anyway..." Jean patted his hand. Jono turned back to Synch.  
  
"Unironed shirts."  
  
Synch moaned.  
  
"Recyclable objects put in with the rest of the garbage."  
  
"No!"  
  
"Hamsters!"  
  
"Argh!"  
  
"ProNOUNciation!"  
  
"It's proNUNciation, proNUNciation!"  
  
"Clip-on ties!"  
  
"No!"  
  
Jono thought quickly. "Free Willy!"  
  
"Stop it!"  
  
"Read my lips: no new taxes."  
  
"I mean it!"  
  
Jono leant close. "No one can stop me brother. From here on, it's just you... and I."  
  
"You and _me_. You and ME! IT'S YOU AND ME!!! AAAAAAHHH!! I HATE THAT!!!"  
  
Synch surged upright and threw himself at Sinister.  
  
"NO MORE!!!!!!!"  
  
Franklin was picked up and thrown off the stage. Several X-Men fell over each other to catch him. Franklin waved his fists from Hanks seat. "I'll be back!" he yelled. "You haven't heard the last of.... MITHTER THINITHTER!!!!!"  
  
The audience cheered and applauded as Franklin shook his fists and Synch and GenX shook theirs back.  
  
"And that takes us up to the end of the Inferno!" cried Jubilee. "Back in ten for the next saga of the X-Men!" 


	8. Part Eight

***  
Generation X Presents:  
A Short (and somewhat inaccurate) History of the X-Men  
Part Eight (of 12)  
by Jaelle  
***  
  
This story takes place after Onslaught and before that Bastion dork came along. It also doesn't quite fit into continuity, but oh well, that's never stopped Marvel!  
  
Generation X and the X-Men are all trademarks of Marvel Entertainment. No attempt is being made to infringe on these trademarks. Blah blah blah.   
  
***  
  
Jubilee danced out from behind the curtain and smiled at the audience. "Ah, my willing victims! How good of you to wait for me to continue. I trust we're all prepared for the next round of X-Men history? Everyone's visited the facilities, gotten new food and drink, nipped outside for a cigarette? I said _outside_ Gambit, the shows about to start again so please put that thing _out_."  
  
Gambit exhaled slowly and stubbed out his cigarette.  
  
"Thank you muchly." Jubilee pulled a few cue cards out and examined them. "Okey dokey, we've just concluded the Inferno saga, during which one of the X-Men's worst foes was revealed, Manhattan was invaded by demons, Madeline Pryor was killed and the original X-Men and modern X-Men had discovered that they were alive and hated each other. Yay!"  
  
There was a resounding silence.  
  
Jubilee screwed up her eyes. "Look, I'm tryin' ta put on a show here. _Work_ with me people. I know it wasn't much fun, but we've been doing our best to jazz it up and actually make it interesting, as opposed to merely showing a lot of people in tights and bad hair beating each other up."  
  
"Who's she referring to?" Asked Rogue and Wolverine together.  
  
"Oh I am so not answering that question." replied Jubilee. "So like anyway, after the Inferno, all the modern X-Men went back to the outback and all the old ones..."  
  
"I beg your pardon!" said Jean.  
  
"Sorry, I mean the _original_ team went back to being X-Factor, losing their ship and eventually Scotts son. The modern X-Men went back to Australia and sunk into angst. They had that alien invasion like I mentioned, then Havok killed Storm by accident and things got worse and worse."  
  
There was now an almost palpable gloom over the audience. Jubilee shook her head and continued with a bright smile. "Okay, all doom and gloom aside, there were bright points in this period. In fact, there was one famous event which will never be forgotten in the history of the X-Men!"  
  
"Really?" yelled Wolverine. "What event is that?"  
  
Jubilee glared at him. "Duh, like you weren't even there! I joined the X-Men! That's what was so great, of course. How could you forget?"  
  
"I had a few other things on my mind."  
  
"Like what?"  
  
"Hey, _you're_ the one presenting this history, not me."  
  
"Oh yeah! The Siege Perilous and its affects. Well..."  
  
"I was thinking more of the crucifiction but never mind."  
  
"Shut up. ANYWAY... after that whole Fall of the Mutants thing Roma had given the X-Men the Siege Perilous, this way-funky gem that turned into a gate which when you went through would renew you. And usually give you a makeover at the same time. First to go through was Rogue."  
  
"Unintentionally!" yelled Rogue. "Ah would neva have gone through if Ah had had a choice!"  
  
Jubilee scratched her head, "I suppose being dragged through along with a powerful sentinel in an effort to save your teammates counts as unintentionally. Though personally I've always wondered if it was a kind of suicide attempt."  
  
"What?" Shouted Rogue. "Whateva made you think that?"  
  
"Well, _I_ personally would have just laid down and DIED had I been wearing the monstrosity that you were at the time." Said Jubilee. "Presenting, Exhibit A."  
  
The curtains opened and Monet strutted slowly down the stage and through the aisle "catwalk" in the audience to the tunes of "You're So Pretty" by the Cranberries. Shouts of laughter greeted her appearance.  
  
"And here we have Monet, wearing a stunning little number." drawled Jubilee, like a beauty contest announcer.  
  
"Wearing her electric blue leotard with a lightning bolt _screaming_ 'Bold' on the front, red sash tied saucily, loosely and diagonally around the middle and the oh-so-chic domino mask, which just announces, 'I'm too ashamed to let people know who I am in this thing'."  
  
Rogue blushed hotly, "It wasn't mine! It was Carol Danvers!"  
  
"Uh huh," said Jubilee. "Sure, we believe you. The real costume was, fortunately, destroyed during its trip, this is a mere reconstruction, and quite frankly, it's quite revolting enough. Thank you Monet, wasn't she beautiful."  
  
Roars of "more" and mock applause filled the room.  
  
Bobby stood up and applauded. "Mahvellous! Simply mahvellous!" He cried. "The epitome of haut couture! The style! The grace! The... MMMPH!" A cushion caught him square in the chops. Rogue glowered and sat back down again.  
  
"Moving right along," said Jubilee smoothly. "The Siege Perilous, the renewal it promised proved too seductive for most of the remaining X-Men, who as previously mentioned, were _wallowing_ in angst. Havok, Dazzler and Psylocke made the trip through, leaving behind Wolverine, who hadn't been around at the time, and Storm, who everyone, you guessed it, thought was dead (actually she'd been youthified and turned into a kid, which seems to be an occupational hazard in this job)."  
  
"Why is everyone looking at me?" Asked Joseph.  
  
"Ignore them." said Wolverine.  
  
Jubilee sipped from a glass of water. "Now this part of the story is heavily narrative, and very angsty and quite frankly boring so we've tried to jazz it up with some visual effects. So now GenX is reasonably proud to present: Ch-ch-changes!"  
  
David Copperfield-ish type magic music began to play.  
  
Monet stepped onto the stage, dressed in black leather, and with a silver mohawk wig attached to her head. Synch stepped out onto the opposite side of the stage, wearing Havok's helmet and a cape with stars on. He pointed at Monet.  
  
"Alakazam!" he shouted.  
  
There was a puff of red smoke. When it cleared, the audience could see Monet, now kneeling, with a short white wig and a much larger version of her jacket draped over her. She bowed and exited.  
  
Next onto the stage was Paige, wearing the blue leotard that Monet had been wearing earlier, and with a skunk streak through her hair. She seemed to be arguing with herself, shaking her fists at herself and shaking her head furiously.  
  
Skin walked onto the opposite side of the stage wearing a helmet painted to look like the head of a sentinel. He pointed at her.  
  
"Siege Perilous - Ah la, peanut butter sandwiches!" he yelled.  
  
There was a puff of green smoke. When it cleared, Paige was revealed wearing... a green leotard and a yellow t-shirt. She looked around, and tapped at her head.  
  
"Hello? Hello? Anybody there?" she said. "Woo hoo! Free! ACK!" A hook with a sign reading "Savage Land" caught her round the throat and dragged her offstage.  
  
"That's not exactly what Rogue was wearing when she came through," said Jubilee. "But we're just not gonna show you that." She grinned. Rogue blushed.  
  
Next up was Monet, this time in Dazzler costume. She posed and waited.  
  
"Siege Perilous - abra cadabra!" yelled Synch.  
  
A puff of yellow smoke followed, leaving Monet standing in much the same position.  
  
"Hmmm..." she said, looking down. "I seem to be a mutant singer. Well, how often does that happen?"  
  
There were a few snickers at this as Monet walked offstage.  
  
Skin walked onstage, skin glistening silver. Synch waved his arms. "Siege Perilous - make up!"  
  
There was a puff of grey smoke and the sound of a bucket of water being dumped onto someone, followed by a shriek. The smoke cleared to reveal Skin, shivering and dripping silver.  
  
"Did you have to use _ice_ water?" he demanded of Synch, who smiled.  
  
Paige returned to the stage, this time wearing a purple flowing cape. Synch returned to do his thing. "Siege Perilous - banzai!" he shouted.  
  
There was a puff of purple smoke and a shredding sound. An asian version of Paige stared out at the audience, now wearing considerably less.  
  
"You know," murmured Betsy, "that's not entirely accurate."  
  
"Why should yours get to be any different from the rest of us?" Murmured Storm in reply.  
  
"Point."  
  
"And dey complain about _me_ smoking," grumbled Gambit, coughing and waving some of the multicoloured smoke away.  
  
"And finally," said Jubilee. "Havok!"  
  
Synch walked onstage, wearing the Havok-helmet. He stood and waited. Paige, Skin and Monet walked up to him and smiled evilly.  
  
"Siege Perilous - uh oh!" they yelled.  
  
"Uh oh?" said Synch.  
  
There was a puff of black smoke and when it lifted, Synch was wearing a collar and his boxers.  
  
"Argh!" he yelled, wrapping his arms around himself and blushing. "Where's my Genosha uniform?"  
  
"Darn." Paige snapped her fingers. "Knew ah forgot something. Sorry."  
  
Synch fled offstage to hoots from the audience.  
  
"Hey," yelled Jubilee. "Hurry up! You're on again in a minute! So anyway, after working its many changes on the X-Men, the siege perilous sent them all over the damn place, making this part of the story that much more difficult.  
  
"As previously mentioned, Wolverine was left behind, so we'll start with that."  
  
Synch reentered stage right and stood with arms out.  
  
Paige and Monet ran behind him and dragged out a cardboard crucifix, which they affixed to his hands... with duct tape.  
  
"Ahhh! Ahhh! AAAAAAAAAAAAAARGH!" cried Synch. "Here I am, poor poor Wolverine. Captured by the Reavers and now crucified! Oh, the pain! Agony! It's awful."  
  
"It wasn't as bad as his acting." Growled Logan.  
  
"Oh, oh, my friends - they've all left me behind. Now, all I can do is... always look on the bright side of life..."  
  
Synch began to whistle. The audience booed. He shrugged and stopped. "Oh, ah! Help me! Oh, who will save me, who? Who?"  
  
Jubilee smiled and strutted to centre stage. "Fear not! I, Jubilee, shall save you!"  
  
'Wolverine' gasped, "Oh wow. A total babe! What a gorgeous fantastic wonderful person she is! My hero!"  
  
By now the audience was in hysterics, Wolverine included.  
  
Jubilee stepped proudly forward, "Behold, you are free!"  
  
She ripped the duct tape from one hand.  
  
"YEARGH!" yelled Synch in real pain. "Not so fast!"  
  
"Don't be such a baby," growled Jubilee, ripping the other piece of duct tape off.  
  
"AAAAAAAAAAAHHHH!! My hands!" Synch blew on his palms. Jubilee snorted, "And so, Wolverine was freed and the   
X-Men gained a new recruit, the X-Man named... JUBILEE!" She paused for applause. Not a sausage.  
  
"Philistines," she huffed. "Anyway, after this we beat the crap out of the Reavers and headed off for Madripoor, where we encountered the all-new all-different Psylocke."  
  
Paige Asian-style sauntered onstage and blew kisses at the audience.  
  
"Of course, she was working for the bad guys."  
  
Paige, with a happy smile drew back her fist and took aim at Jubilee.  
  
"Hey hey hey! Him! You're after him! Not me!" Jubes danced out of the way.  
  
Synch took one look at the expression on Paige's face and jumped off the stage. "Oh no you don't! Keep away from me!" He ran down the aisle.  
  
"Get back here!" Paige jumped off the stage and chased after him. "Come back! You can't get away!"  
  
"Heeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeelp!" Synch sprinted around the room, Paige in hot pursuit. "Jean! Scott! Someone, anyone! Ack!"  
  
Paige jumped him from behind, "Ha! You are no match for... say it with me people!"  
  
"MY PSYCHIC KNIFE, THE FOCUSED TOTALITY OF MY PSYCHIC POWERS!" yelled the entire audience.  
  
"I'm don't say it all _that_ much," said Betsy.  
  
"OH YES YOU DO!"  
  
Jubilee grinned and gave the thumbs up, "Anyway, eventually Psylocke saw the light and joined up with us again. Then we headed back to the mansion, where we would meet up with a variety of others, including newbie Gambit!"  
  
Paige and Synch took off and Monet and Skin walked on to the stage from opposite directions. Jubilee turned the crucifix around, revealing a cheap vase stuck to it. M reached out for the vase at the same time as Gambit.  
  
"Hey!"  
  
"Hey!"  
  
They stared at each other.  
  
Monet snarled. "I saw it first!"  
  
"No I saw it first!"  
  
"Listen, if anyone steals it it's going to be ME."  
  
"No way!"  
  
"ROAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHH!!!" a huge roar sounded throughout the room. Monet and Skin jumped back to back.  
  
"What the heck was that?" they said in unison.  
  
"I AM THE SHADOW KING!" Howled a ghostly voice. The lights darkened and a terrible shadowy figure appeared on the back wall.  
  
'Storm' and 'Gambit' looked at each other, "Let's get out of here!" They yelled in unison and dashed off. The lights came back on, to reveal Synch at the back of the room holding a torch whilst Paige made a scary figure with her hands.  
  
"Hey, do deformed rabbit, it's my favourite!" yelled Bobby. They blushed and took off.  
  
"And so by and large, through this way and that way, they and the original X-Men came back to the mansion where X-Force were already based, to chill out and get back together." said Jubilee. "Next was the Extinction Agenda, when..."  
  
"Hey wait a minute," objected Sean. "What's this 'through this way and that way' business. How did everyone get back?"  
  
Jubilee looked momentarily panicked, then she consulted her watch. "My goodness look at the time, it's time for a break, we'll be back in ten for the Extinction Agenda. Don't be late."   
  
She fled. 


	9. Part Nine

***  
Generation X Presents:  
A Short (and somewhat inaccurate) History of the X-Men  
Part Nine (of 12)  
by Jaelle  
***  
  
This story takes place after Onslaught and before that Bastion dork came along. It also doesn't quite fit into continuity, but oh well, that's never stopped Marvel!  
  
Generation X and the X-Men are all trademarks of Marvel Entertainment. No attempt is being made to infringe on these trademarks. Blah blah blah.   
  
***  
  
"Aloha!" said Jubilee, walking back on to the stage. "Sorry about the long break but we couldn't find some of the costumes and then Paige spilt make-up all down herself and I tripped over all her husks but we're back now!"  
  
"Yes," said Sean. "And you were just going to tell us about how everyone made it back to the mansion."  
  
"Duh, by walking up the front driveway," said Jubilee, dismissing about five or six issues with an airy wave of her hand. "What's important was that we were all a team again. To recap for those dimwitted enough not to realise who was here, Gambit and the young Storm were back, as were Scott and the old..."  
  
"Original!" chorused all five original X-Men.  
  
"_Original_ X-Men." amended Jubilee. "AKA X-Factor. Jeez, you'd think after forty they wouldn't be so touchy about it."  
  
There was a lot of choking from the old... I mean original team...  
  
"_Who_ is she calling _forty_?" demanded Bobby.  
  
"*Gack* *hack*," said Jean. *The nerve of that little...*  
  
*Now now dear.*  
  
*Be quiet _old_ man!*  
  
"As well as X-Force, who were freeloading." Jubilee finished.  
  
Monet in black leather, Husk with short blonde hair and a pink t-shirt and jean shorts, and Skin with a mop of long brown hair tromped on stage.  
  
"I can't help but notice that we're short a couple of people." said Jubilee. "We have a Rictor, a Storm and a Boom Boom, but we seem to be missing..."  
  
"Self is incredibly sorry!" yelled Synch, running onstage. "But self has difficulty with these robes!" He spun around, showing off the bright purple robes with silver stars on. His pointed cap bobbed as he waved madly at the audience.  
  
"And now we have Warlock." said Jubilee. "Where's Wolfsbane?"  
  
Synch flicked his arms upright, "Nothing up my sleeves, nothing in my cap... Magical Mutant Mysteries - Appear!" There was yet another puff of coloured smoke and Synch reappeared, holding a soft toy puppy.  
  
"Let's _not_ tell Rahne about this." said Sam to Bobby.  
  
"Gotcha."  
  
"These five were the first victims of... The Extinction Agenda!" Announced Jubilee. The sound of lightning striking filled the room. Everyone glanced at Storm, who shrugged.  
  
Strobe lights came on and in the dim light shadowy strands reached out to ensnare Synch, Husk and Monet. Then with a snap the lights came back on. The stage was completely empty.  
  
"Impressive use of lighting," Beast noted.  
  
"Yeah, but the break in the narrative is a little annoying, what happened next?" asked Sean.  
  
"Sean, you were _there_. You were one of the first on the scene!"  
  
"So?"  
  
Forestalling an argument, Jubilee reappeared onstage. "Sorry about that, the kidnapper got a little overenthusiastic. Swiftly figuring out that the kidnappers were the Genoshans the three X-teams joined forces and went out to get the guys back. However, who were they to find on the Genoshans team but..."  
  
Synch, wearing a visor, ran on the stage to be stopped as another figure appeared in his way. Skin narrowed his eyes and lowered the gun at Synch. 'Cyclops' stared at Havok's black head piece on Skin.  
  
"Havok?" he asked.  
  
'Havok' smiled. "So long mutie!" He pulled the trigger and a nerf ball sailed at 'Cyclops' head. 'Cyclops' ducked and ran back the way he came with 'Havok' in close pursuit.  
  
"Yes, the Siege Perilous had sent Alex Summers to Genosha to be a magistrate, so that once again he was fighting Scott. Worst case of sibling rivalry _I've_ ever seen." said Jubilee.  
  
"Additionally Rahne and Storm had been turned into mutates, and Warlock had been killed. Then half the X-teams got caught and likewise stripped of their powers..."  
  
"But still... none of this could possibly compare with the ultimate revelation!"  
  
"Cameron Hodge." said Beast.  
  
"Who? I'm talking about me showing up and joining the X-Men." Said Jubilee.  
  
"What?"  
  
"You remember. Wolvie, Psylocke and I swing in in the nick of time and save everyone!"  
  
"Oh yes. How could we forget?" said Scott wryly. "It was of course Jubilee who turned the tide and saved the day."  
  
"Damn straight." said Jubilee. "Okay, I'll admit that Storm having been genetically altered so that she could give people their powers back by the Genengineer and Forge setting a bomb and Alex getting his memory back and turning back to the light side of the Force helped, but let's be realistic here!"  
  
"Why start now?" asked Gambit.  
  
"And so I defeated Cameron Hodge." said Jubilee. "All hail me! Hey hey... quit it!"  
  
Bobby and Gambit pelted her with popcorn as the rest of the X-people laughed, then the rest of Generation X likewise began throwing things from the wings.  
  
"Agh! So anyway, however you want to look at it, everyone got their proper powers and ages back and blew everything up real good, including Hodge. Then we all went home to celebrate." Jubilee shouted, arms crossed over her head to protect her from the popcorn.  
  
Bang!  
  
"Yeowch! No fair kinetically charging the popcorn Gumbo!"  
  
"When do we get to do something?" demanded Synch.  
  
"Funny you should ask, Synch, everyone, get out here."  
  
Generation X, comprising of Synch, Skin, Mondo, Artie, Leech, Franklin, and Monet, dressed as Gambit, Forge, Wolverine, Banshee, Psylocke, Storm, and Jubilee respectively, tromped on stage.  
  
"Why do _I_ have to be Jubilee?" demanded Monet. "This is embarrassing!!!"  
  
"You should be grateful," said Jubilee. "This is your only chance to be cool in this lifetime. This mixed group of X's were out on the main lawn, when suddenly, Lila Cheney, inter-world teleporter and former rock star appeared."  
  
Penance walked onstage and stood with the others.  
  
"And teleported them all off to the Shi'ar Empire."  
  
"What effect are we using for that?" asked Skin.  
  
Jubilee grabbed a lever and pulled, causing a trap door to open up.  
  
"YEAGH!!!" screamed the 'X-Men'.  
  
"Moving right along." said Jubilee. "While all the fun and games were going on interstellar. Rogue was dealing with her own war in the Savage Land, with the one and only (we think) Magneto, Master of Magnetism!"  
  
The lights dimmed and people moved around on stage. Then the lights came back up.  
  
Jonathan lounged on a chair, wearing the Magneto helmet. He sat there, broodingly.  
  
Then Paige stepped onstage, with brown hair and a white streak... and a green bikini. Jono sat up in a hurry. "Whoah."   
  
Paige blushed.  
  
"I can't remember you in _that_?" Joseph said startled. "There's no justice!"  
  
"Tell me about it," said Gambit.  
  
Rogue whapped both of them over the head. "It wasn't mah fault!" she protested. "There wasn't anythin' else to wear!"  
  
"Added bonus." yelled Bobby.  
  
"Do you _want_ me to hurt you?"  
  
"Ahem," said Jubilee. "Whilst details of the events in the Savage Land are scarce and undetailed."  
  
Rogue tried to look innocent.  
  
"We do know that Rogue had lost her powers, and was rescued from Carol Danvers by Magneto. They then teamed up with Nick Fury, agent of acronym," Jubilee continued. "And defeated Zaladane, who was stealing Magnus' magnetic powers. After defeating her, Magneto again turned his back on goodness and killed her, leaving Rogue to return on her own."  
  
Paige 'hrumphed' and turned her back on Jono, who looked even more depressed.  
  
"And that's what we _know_ happened." said Jubilee. "But what else could have happened? We all know that Rogue's got a soft spot for Magnus, but why? Could _this_ be the answer."  
  
The background music suddenly swelled. Paige threw herself into Jono's arms.  
  
"Oh Magnus, Magnus, whatever shall we do? Whereever shall we go?" she cried. "Please dahling, let us always be together in yoah warm embrace." She leaned in for a kiss.  
  
"It was NOT like that!!!" screeched Rogue.  
  
"Frankly my dear," said Jono to her. "I don't give a damn." He leant in and quickly kissed Paige. How exactly, I'm not sure, just go with me on this one. Applause broke out amongst cast and audience.  
  
"Go Jono!" said Jubilee. "That wasn't in the script but what the hey!"  
  
"What?" Jono broke the kiss instantly. "Angelo told me that _was_ in the script!"  
  
"Adios amigos," said Skin. He started running. Jono threw 'Rogue' to one side and sprinted after him. "You're a dead man!" He yelled.  
  
"So _that's_ how it played out," said Jubilee.  
  
"IT WAS NOTHING LIKE THAT!!!" screamed Rogue.  
  
"Methinkest the lady doth protest too much." said Jubilee. "Anyway, Rogue went off to Muir Island, seeking other mutants."  
  
Pause.  
  
"Uh, Rogue went off to Muir Island... seeking other mutants."  
  
Paige stood in the middle of the stage, a dazed happy expression on her face.  
  
"Hello! Narrator to planet Paige! Yo Paige! Ah geez," Jubilee sighed. "Someone pass me the bucket of ice water!"  
  
"Ack! I'm going, I'm going." Paige quickly exited left.  
  
"Meanwhile, somewhere, in a galaxy far, far away..."  
  
Jubilee moved off the stage as the theme from Star Wars started playing.  
  
Wrapped together in green wool, the 'X-Men' struggled their way onstage. Penance was now dressed as Jubilee, with Monet as Storm, Synch as Wolverine and Mondo as Gambit.  
  
"The X-Men had been trapped by the usurper Deathbird of the Shi'ar!" yelled Jubilee. "Trapped, trapped, TRAPPED   
MUHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"  
  
Penance shrugged and snapped the wool around the X-Men, shredding it into little tiny fragments. Pieces of fluffy green wool filled the air.  
  
"Ah CHOO!" Sam sneezed.  
  
"Well that was brief," said Jubilee. Chasing after Deathbird, the X-Men were joined by the Starjammers..."  
  
A bunch of cardboard cutout Starjammers were placed on stage by Franklin, Artie and Leech. Franklin was wearing a strange helmet on his head.  
  
"And fought against the Imperial Guard!"  
  
The three boys placed cardboard cutouts of the Imperial Guard on the stage. Then the 'X-Men' grabbed the cutouts and began 'doing battle'. 'Storm' grabbed Gladiators cutout, knocked it down and began jumping up and down on it. 'Jubilee' shredded guardsmen and a bunch of humanoid cutout forms with "disposable extras" written on them. Eventually, the battle was won.  
  
"After the X-Men had successfully defeated the Imperial Guard, they discovered that the leader of the Starjammers was none other than..."  
  
Franklin removed his helmet - to display a head covered by a flesh-coloured shower cap.  
  
"Charles Xavier!"  
  
Various members of the audience tried not to laugh.  
  
"Everything was going all fine and dandy and there were victory parties going on and everything and normally we'd finish here..." said Jubilee. "Were it NOT for the fact that these were, in fact, NOT the real Starjammers NOR the real Xavier, but totally EVIL dudes who had taken their shapes and powers."  
  
The paper pictures of the Starjammers were ripped off the cutouts, revealing green, scaly monsters underneath.  
  
"These dudes were probably Skrulls, but this was never formally confirmed or denied." Jubilee continued. "Whatever they were, they put up a pretty good fight!"  
  
Again the 'X-Men' went out to do battle with the cutouts.  
  
"Au revoir mes petites!" Shouted Mondo, smashing several of the pieces together. Monet tackled Franklin and tickled him into submission. Penance became the centre of an inferno of cardboard, as was Synch.  
  
"Just a moment, Wolverine and Jubilee were both captured and copied by the enemy!" said Storm.  
  
Penance and Synch stopped fighting and looked at each other. "Oops." said Synch. They attacked Monet and Mondo.  
  
"GAH!" yelled Mondo, as Penance took him down. "No claws! No claws! This is my favourite shirt!"  
  
"But the X-Men were triumphant!" said Jubilee. Mondo struggled against Penance. "HELP!" He yelled. Synch had Mondo in a head lock, "Agk!" she said.  
  
"Hey, hey hey! The X-Men are supposed to be triumphant!" said Jubilee. Monet and Synch's struggling knocked over some remaining cardboard figurines.  
  
"Er, things did not look good for our heros..." said Jubilee, who looked as though she was getting ready to get into the fight. "When..."  
  
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!!" Skin sprinted into the room, with Jono in hot pursuit. The two of them jumped onto the stage and smashed through the fighting on the way past. Monet and Synch went sprawling, whilst Penance was knocked off the stage.  
  
Jubilee looked at the mess on stage. "And so the X-Men were triumphant," she repeated. "Yessir, we certainly were."  
  
Mondo groaned.  
  
"Ahem, we'll pick up after everyone's recovered." Jubilee announced. There was the sound of a huge smash from backstage.   
  
"Back in five!" She ran past the group onstage and in the direction of the noises as the curtain went down.   
  
"KNOCK IT OFF YOU GUYS! YOU HAVE TO STAY ALIVE FOR THE NEXT PART!!!" 


	10. Part Ten

***  
Generation X Presents:  
A Short (and somewhat inaccurate) History of the X-Men  
Part Ten (of 12)  
by Jaelle  
***  
  
This story takes place after Onslaught and before that Bastion dork came along. It also doesn't quite fit into continuity, but oh well, that's never stopped Marvel!  
  
Generation X and the X-Men are all trademarks of Marvel Entertainment. No attempt is being made to infringe on these trademarks. Blah blah blah.   
  
***  
  
"Welcome back!" said Jubilee, brushing pieces of cardboard off herself. "There's not much more to go folks so let's just all pull together and try to make it through this!"  
  
"Why? WHY?" cried Bobby.  
  
"Because," said Jubilee. "Somebody sedate that man. Anyways... Rogue, played by our lovely Paige, had gone to Muir Island, currently home to many many mutants."  
  
Paige in jeans, a green jacket and green gloves, with a skunk streak in her hair, walked onstage. "Yo."  
  
"However, there was trouble in paradise - for none other than the Shadow King was mucking around with everyone's head, making them all evil (and additionally getting them to wear strange clothes, another recurring theme for mental possession)."  
  
Paige looked down at herself and shrugged. "Me, and my shaaaaadow..." she sang. Mass groans from the audience.  
  
"The X-Men, newly returned from space, arrived to battle this fiend, who had already turned Colossus evil and sent him to destroy Stevie Hunter."  
  
Mondo roared past the stage in pursuit of Monet, who was also in normal clothes (jeans, brown jacket).  
  
"The X-Men arrived and were promptly taken over by the Shadow King, who was channeling his power through Xavier's son Legion and Lorna Dane, whose power had been strangely warped."  
  
"Wooo! Dude! I'm like, so totally evil!" yelled Synch. "All of me. I mean, all of I. I mean, all of us... how many people are inside my head right now?" He waved his arms around and gently danced round the stage.   
  
Jubilee raised her eyebrows. "Cut it with the adlibbing Ev, that's _my_ job. Anyways..."  
  
Monet, now in costume as Storm, Paige as Rogue, Mondo as Strong Guy/Guido (in normal clothes), Skin as Gambit tromped on stage, and were joined by Franklin as Wolverine, Artie as Forge and Leech as Jubilee.  
  
"The X-Men were divided, not all had fallen beneath the Shadow King's control, and so they had to battle their comrades," Jubilee rechecked her notes, frowned, picked up some earlier notes and looked at them. "Is it just me, or does this seem to be a continuing problem?"  
  
"It doesn't happen all _that_ often." protested Scott.  
  
"To _you_ maybe." Retorted Jubilee, "And we're doing the return of Magneto and Asteroid M storyline next."  
  
"Okay, so it does happen quite a bit," Scott allowed.  
  
Bobby grinned. "We should all have little signs. You know, 'Iceman is [evil] today'."  
  
"Maybe the signs should read, 'Iceman is [stupid] today'", said Rogue.  
  
"Hey!"  
  
"Getting back to the battle..." Jubilee started.  
  
"Oh there's a _battle_ on now is there?"  
  
"Shut up Bobby! Getting back to the battle, we have decided to reenact it." Jubilee made hand motions and the entire GenX crew produced large fluffy pillows from behind their backs.  
  
"Uh oh." said Wolverine, with a grin. "This looks nasty."  
  
A massed roar and the 'X-Men' and assorted extras sprung into battle, swinging their pillows with glee. The free for all lasted several minutes, with various members of the team switching sides seemingly at random. Paige added to the confusion by husking every other second into a different mutant and attacking everyone else.   
  
In the end it was every mutant for themselves, not helped by Bobby, Sam and Logan rushing the stage and joining in. Franklin as Wolverine and the original one took special glee in pelting each other with pillows. The audience contributed by throwing cushions and so on into the melee. It could only end in feathers. Several pillows burst, and in the ensuing feather blizzard, Jono, previously unseen, pushed his way to the front.  
  
"Shadow King!" he yelled. "I, Charles Xavier, will..."  
  
A pillow bounced off the back of his head.  
  
"Aagh! Synch! I know that was you!"  
  
Synch, who was still pretending to be Legion, giggled and prepared to throw another pillow, but was ambushed by 'Storm' and 'Forge'.  
  
Jono tried to recover, "I, Charles Xavier, will defeat you in mind to mind combat!" He closed his eyes and concentrated. "There! I've done it!"  
  
The battle continued. Cable sneezed as feathers floated out into the audience and tickled his nose. Angel added his sneezes as well.  
  
Jono rolled his eyes. "I said, I've done it! The Shadow King is defeated! You can all stop fighting now!"  
  
The battle continued. Paige and Monet duked it out with pillows. Bobby and Skin challenged each other to cushions at 10 feet. Wolverine speared a pillow on his claws.  
  
"Oh for..." Jono picked up a pillow and waded into the battle, wapping left and right.  
  
"Off! Off! Get off the stage!" he yelled, smacking Bobby repeatedly over the head with a pillow. "You, behave!" *WAP!*  
  
Leech and Artie giggled and ran into the audience to hide behind Jean's chair. "Two-bit wannabe! OFF!" *WAP!*  
  
Wolverine vaulted back into his chair, holding Franklin firmly under one arm. "Some fun hey kid?" He asked. Franklin nodded, still laughing.  
  
"Paigey, don't even _think_ about hitting me with that! Skin, down boy! Monet! Put the cushion down and step AWAY from Synch. Synch, stop laughing!"   
  
And, eventually, order was restored.  
  
"Ah heh... ha..." Jubilee gasped for breath and hid her camera. "And so Charles Xavier was triumphant over the Shadow King. But it was not without cost, for Legion, his son, went into a coma..."  
  
"*snicker*HAHAHAHAHAHAHHAAHHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHA!" Synch couldn't manage to stop laughing. Jono held him down and put a pillow over his face, which seemed to work. More or less.  
  
"Jono, we need him for the next scene," reminded Jubilee.  
  
Jono rather reluctantly removed the pillow. The half-smothered Synch was still giggling.  
  
"And with all these X-Men gathered into one place as they had all the old team there as well, Xavier split the X-Men into two teams. The cool team and the other team."  
  
In the audience, eyebrows shot up. "Which team were you in?" asked Bobby.  
  
"Duh!" replied Jubilee.  
  
"Actually, I don't think Jubilee was properly in _either_ of those teams," whispered Scott to Ororo.  
  
"Jubilee has always considered herself a member by proxy of any team that Wolverine happens to be in at that time." Storm whispered back.  
  
"Ah."  
  
"And the first thing they had to do was battle each other when Magneto reappeared with the Acolytes, who'd gone to him for help." Jubilee made frantic hand motions and the stage was tidied.   
  
A backdrop was lowered into place, it was black with white splotches of paint intended to indicate stars on it.  
  
"Isn't that the bedsheet from your..." Betsy began.  
  
"Let's not ask questions we don't want to hear the answers to," said Warren.  
  
"Anyway, Magneto had..." Jubilee began.  
  
"Magneto Magneto Magneto! Why does this keep coming back to me?" Demanded Joseph testily. "It's persecution! The same persecution that my people have always faced!"  
  
"Uh oh." Said several members of the audience.  
  
Joseph stood up and pointed at the stage. "Beware lest ye too be judged the way that I have been! I shall return my pain a thousandfold!"  
  
In the silence that followed a pin dropping would have sounded like Colossus hitting the ground after falling off the Empire State Building.  
  
"Just kidding!" Joseph grinned. He brought his arms up to protect himself as the air around him was suddenly filled with popcorn, chocolate, liquorice and other sweets, some kinetically charged, fireworks, snowballs, pillows, a miniature rainstorm complete with little lightning bolts, and finally a chair.  
  
"That was NOT funny!" yelled Rogue, throwing another chair. It bounced off Joseph's magnetic shield and he grinned at her.  
  
"Phew!" said Jubilee, letting out a breath she hadn't been aware of holding. "I think I just aged about six years!" She looked at her cue cards.   
  
"Skipping to the good bits the Acolytes teamed up with Magneto and he turned the cool X-team evil, or at least some of them. The other X-team arrived to battle and things went down as they usually do." She waved.  
  
On trooped GenX again, this time in full costume. Paige as Rogue, Monet as Storm, Synch as Cyclops, Mondo as Beast, Skin as Iceman, Franklin as Wolverine, and Artie and Leech as Acolytes. Jono entered with them, wearing Magneto's helmet.  
  
Jubilee continued. "We have decided to reenact _this_ battle also." GenX grinned as one and produced water bombs, pistols and supersoakers from behind their backs.  
  
"OH NO YOU DON'T!" Scott stood up. "Absolutely not!"  
  
"But we already _did_ a pillow fight." Jubilee protested. "It was either this or food."  
  
"No!" Scott was adamant. "Not in this house!"  
  
"Oh... okay." Jubilee's eyes gleamed.   
  
Jono removed his helmet and tossed it loosely in one hand.   
  
"Think fast!" He yelled, and tossed it to Scott, who caught it easily.  
  
"YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!" GenX ran forward picked him up, and carried him outside.  
  
*Jean!* Scott's mental cry reached his wife. *Help!* Jean smothered a laugh and followed everyone else out to watch the antics.  
  
Ten minutes later GenX trooped back inside, tired and wet but triumphant. They were trailed by the audience and a sodden and bedraggled Scott Summers. He accepted a towel from Jean and began to dry himself off. Logan grinned and reached forward to pluck the remains of a water balloon off his ear.  
  
"And now, GenX, in association with Lucasfilm, is proud to present the end of that battle... the destruction of Asteroid M!" cried Jubilee.  
  
The backdrop was replaced with a white one, and a projection was shone onto it. To the theme of Star Wars, a large computer generated meteor was seen heading towards earth. It began breaking up in the atmosphere in an impressive display of pyrotechnics.  
  
"You know, there could be a movie in that idea." said Jubilee.  
  
The audience watched as the explosion took place and then applauded. Jubilee bowed. "Thank yew, thank yew! We'll be right back!"   
  
The curtain fell and she exited.  



	11. Part Eleven

***  
Generation X Presents:  
A Short (and somewhat inaccurate) History of the X-Men  
Part Eleven (of 12)  
by Jaelle  
***  
  
This story takes place after Onslaught and before that Bastion dork came along. It also doesn't quite fit into continuity, but oh well, that's never stopped Marvel!  
  
Generation X and the X-Men are all trademarks of Marvel Entertainment. No attempt is being made to infringe on these trademarks. Blah blah blah.   
  
***  
  
"Welcome back!" carolled Jubilee. "Never fear dear friends, we shall not require you to sit through much more."  
  
"Oh thank goodness," said Sam.  
  
"You're perfectly welcome to stand if you like."  
  
"*Sigh*, is it just me or are the jokes getting lamer?" asked Bobby.  
  
"Whoa, being thought a lame joker by Bobby, now that's harsh," said Jubilee. "Anyway, in an attempt to get away from long confusing battles and stuff, we now present - the X-Cutioners song!"  
  
Synch, shower cap on to show he was Professor X, walked on stage. "My friends..."  
  
From the back of the room, a loud bang was heard. Everyone jumped and turned to see Mondo standing at the back of the room, holding a capgun. They turned back to see Synch staggering. The sight of him filled their hearts with horror. He was holding a microphone. Synthesizer music began to play "My Way".  
  
"And now," Synch began to sing, "the end is near,  
I've faced the Brood, done down Magneto,  
Goodbye, my X-Men friends,  
I'll miss you all,  
That's it finito.  
  
Oh Jean, I'm still your friend,  
But now you face the world alone-oh,  
That's it from me, let Jubilee,  
Lead you from now-oh..." he trailed away.  
  
The audience was aghast.   
  
Jubilee looked at them. "Oh come on, we told you it was a _song_." she grinned. "But who could have done this dastardly act?"  
  
Mondo stepped forward, and the music changed. A white star had been painted over his left eye.  
  
"I shoot the bad guys, but I didn't shoot Charles Xavier." He sang. Cable put his face in his hands. Sam and Berto snickered.  
  
"But would the X-Men believe him? No!" said Jubilee. "So they set out to find him!"  
  
Monet, Jono and Skin as Storm, Cyclops and Wolverine, entered stage right.  
  
"Where oh where has the mutant man gone," they carolled.  
"Where oh where can he be?  
With his arms of steel and his glowing eye,  
And ammo hung all about him."  
  
"But X-Force wanted to talk to Cable to make sure it wasn't a set up first!" Jubilee prompted. "This naturally led to some unpleasantries."  
  
Mondo and Jubilee began to stomp their feet rhythmically. Franklin, Artie and Leech as Cannonball, Warpath and Shatterstar entered stage left and glared at the X-Men. The 'X-Men' glared back and began to sing.  
  
"Buddy you're a young man, strong man, talking with  
your powers gonna take on the world some day,  
You've got mud on your face, you're a big disgrace,  
It's time that we put you back into your place.  
  
We will we will rock you!  
We will we will rock you!"  
  
'X-Force' defiantly sang back.  
  
"Buddy you're an old man, hard man, talking with your  
powers gonna take on the world today,  
You've got mud on your face, you're a worse disgrace,  
It's time that we put you into second place!  
  
We will we will rock you!  
We will we will rock you!"  
  
By this time the entire audience was singing along.  
  
"We will we will rock you!  
We will we will rock you!  
We will we will rock you!"  
  
Sam and Berto banged their chairs against the floor, Rogue, Remy and Storm clapped their hands in time. The rest of the X-Men chanted along.  
  
"We will we will rock you!"  
  
After a couple of minutes, it gradually died out. Jubilee grinned and then resumed.  
  
"But of course it was discovered that the attempted assassin (cos Xavier lived doncha know) was Strife, some sort of evil alternate version or twin brother of Cable. Not sure what exactly, and I already had a headache from trying to work out the Summers family tree so we'll just let it go this time."  
  
"You think _you_ have problems," said Scott. "Try being a part of it sometime!"  
  
"Oh, I don't know," said Jean. "It has a couple of advantages."  
  
"Such as?"  
  
"Well, I've had two children so far and never had to go through pregnancy, childbirth or pay for them to go through college."  
  
"... You have a point."  
  
"Moving right along," said Jubilee. "X-Force battled the X-Men and well, they kinda lost."  
  
The 'X-Men' joined hands and performed a rendition of "Princes of the Universe".  
  
"Here we are, born to be strong,  
We're the princes of the Universe.  
Here we belong, fighting to survive,  
in a world with darkest power... yeah!"  
  
"I am a mutant, I have inside me DNA,  
I have no rival, no man can be my equal,  
Take me to the future, I'll be there!"  
  
"I'm noticing a Queen bias here," said Beast. "What's next? Bohemian Rhapsody?"  
  
"Hmmm..." said Jubilee. "Scaramouche, huh."  
  
"DON'T YOU DARE!" yelled everyone.  
  
"Oh, alright. Anyhoo... once X-Force had been overcome, the X-Men set out again after Cable."  
  
The 'X-Men' menaced Mondo, who sneered at them and brought his gun up to bear.  
  
"But imagine their surprise when they found out that there was more than one Cable. Who could it be?"  
  
Paige jumped out onto the stage, "husked" into a Mondo-lookalike and brought her microphone to bear.  
  
"I think I'm a clone now," she started to sing.  
  
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!! Not Weird Al!" shouted Bobby.  
  
Paige humphed and stopped singing, then smiled evilly and started again with a different song.   
  
"I'm a little bit of everything, all rolled into one!  
I'm a clone, just like the other!  
I'm your foe, I'm your brother!  
I'm a sinner, I'm a saint, I do not feel ashamed.  
  
I'm your son, I'm your child,  
I'm really really wild,  
You know you couldn't have it any other way!"  
  
"Ow." said Bobby. "The pain. The pain."  
  
"Nyeah heh." said 'Stryfe'.  
  
"Once this crucial fact was revealed, what else could happen but that they go to the moon for a final showdown!"  
  
There was some frantic scene changing. Whilst it was going on, Mondo (as Stryfe now) began a husky rendition of "Fly Me To The Moon."  
  
"Fly me to the moon, and let me fight among the stars,  
Let me see what Stryfe is like, on Jupiter and Mars,  
In other words, hold me down,  
In other words, darling shoot me...  
  
Fill my heart with lead,  
And let me bleed forever more...  
You are all I care for all I worship and adore,  
In other words... please be you...  
In other words... I hate you."  
  
"You know, there were some _really_ dodgy connotations in that song." said Beast.  
  
"Don't complain," said Mondo. "It was either this or the Sailor Moon theme. And I refuse to sing the line 'Fighting evil by moonlight'..."  
  
"Oooookay."  
  
"What's wrong with Sailor Moon?"  
  
"Shut up Rogue, we know you're biased."  
  
"And now that they are all on the moon," Jubilee indicated the star-backdrop which was once again up. "It's time.. for the final showdown."  
  
Loud guitar music began to play. Jono grinned on the inside. But because he doesn't have a jaw anymore, they couldn't see it. But it was there! He leaned into the riff.  
  
Mondo as Cable started to sing with Jono as Cyclops, and Monet as Jean.  
  
[to the tune of The Final Countdown - for anyone who can  
remember this song :-)]  
  
"We're fighting by moonlight, but still we stand tall,  
Our hearts burning so bright, not ready to fall.  
We maybe light years from our home,  
We're gaining ground!  
Will things ever be the same again?  
  
It's the final showdown!  
  
The final showdown!  
  
We're fighting for freedom! The people of X.  
And maybe we'll see some, in this future or next.  
With so many worlds to protect  
And people to help [People to help]  
I'm sure that we'll all make it through!  
  
It's the final showdown!  
  
The final showdown!  
  
The final showdown!  
  
Ohhhh... ohhhh..."  
  
Jono stepped forward and launched into a huge guitar solo. By now everyone was dancing to the music in the aisle. Rogue and Storm were attempting to go-go dance on their chairs. Jubilee and Everett were headbanging. Paige grinned at Jono who concentrated and really put his back into it.  
  
"The final showdown... oooh!  
It's the final showdown...  
The final showdown...  
The final showdown [final showdown]  
Ohhh... it's the final showdown, we're fighting together...."  
  
Jono trailed off with the guitar as the song came to an end.  
  
"Whoo!" said Meltdown. "That was fun."  
  
Everyone settled back into their seats as Jubilee quickly narrated Stryfe's defeat and subsequent death at the hands of the rest of the Summers family, with a special guest appearance by 'Havoc' (AKA Artie).  
  
"And now, in an effort to get this damn show finished, we're going to squish in the Fatal Attractions storyline!" said Jubilee.  
  
"In this story... Magneto shows up with a safe haven for all mutants to live together in peace away from the rest of humanity. BORING!!!! Here we go again."  
  
"Look, it wasn't me okay!" Joseph looked flustered. "Okay, I promise if I ever turn evil again I'll do something original. I'll... take over a small country somewhere. Albania maybe, or perhaps New Zealand." He laughed. "Or how about Genosha?"  
  
Everyone laughed hysterically at this idea.  
  
"Aha... ha... good one Jo." said Jubilee. "Ahem. So, he had this new plan, but as always it was thwarted. Thwart, thwart, thwart, that's all we ever do! Alas, this time it was not without casualties. Colossus left the X-Men to join Magneto."  
  
Synch in silver foil clung on to Jono's leg and refused to be dislodged.  
  
"And Wolverine... well... he kindof had all the metal in his body suddenly and painfully removed..."  
  
Jono, as Magneto, bucket head and all, waved his hands at Skin, who was in Wolverine costume.  
  
"ARgh! Ahhh! Oooh! NOOOOOO! Ah, the pain, the pain! Owchie. Oh please stop! Please!" Skin begged pathetically.   
  
And when I say pathetic, I mean, it was really pathetic.   
  
He rolled his eyes. "Help me someone, please!" he said flatly. Then he sighed, and shot skin out everywhere.  
  
"AAAAAIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!" he yelled, unenthusiastically, "Oh the pain."  
  
"Okay Skin, that's enough." said Jubilee. "We get the picture, you can stop now."  
  
"Oh... oh... owwwwww. Ouch. Ouch, ouchie..."  
  
"Skin!"  
  
"The pain.... Mother, help me..."  
  
"Skin!!"  
  
He looked pleadingly at her. "Aaaaaaagh."  
  
"SKIN!!!!"  
  
"I'm STUCK!" he yelled. "Give me a hand here! Preferably one of mine!"  
  
"Oops," Jubilee looked at the mess. "But-Xavier-took-charge-and-destroyed-the-threat-of-Magneto-by-wiping-his-brain-and-turning-him-into-the-lovable-vegetable-we-all-know-and-watch-carefully-today..."  
  
"HEY!!!!" yelled Joseph indignantly.  
  
"Ten minute recess!" Jubilee grabbed bits of Skin.  
  
"AIIIIIEEEEE!!!!"  
  
"Oops, sorry."  



	12. Part Twelve - Finale

***  
Generation X Presents:  
A Short (and somewhat inaccurate) History of the X-Men  
Part Twelve (of 12)  
by Jaelle  
***  
  
This story takes place after Onslaught and before that Bastion dork came along. It also doesn't quite fit into continuity, but oh well, that's never stopped Marvel!  
  
Generation X and the X-Men are all trademarks of Marvel Entertainment. No attempt is being made to infringe on these trademarks. Blah blah blah.   
  
***  
  
"Half a show, half a show, half a show onward... into the valley of death rode the X-teams." said Jubilee, entering stage left. "Well, it's the final episode in our little skit this evening. So what could be better than a romantic interlude."  
  
She bowed off stage left and the curtain rose, along with everyone's hopes as a familiar tune rang out across the room.  
  
"Here comes the bride, here comes the bride," hummed Rogue.  
  
Joseph and Remy gulped.  
  
Then the music changed to a more cheesy sound and Jubilee sang along for a little while...  
  
"X... exciting and new  
Come aboard, we are waiting for you  
The X-Men!  
Soon you'll be dying unusual death,  
The X-Men!  
Soon you'll be normality-bereft."  
  
"Could we lose the Love Boat theme and just get on with the wedding?" yelled Angel.  
  
"What, you don't like Aaron Spelling?"  
  
Thrown objects were Jubilee's only answer. The music went back to the more traditional air.  
  
Jono, with red sunglasses on, adjusted the neck of his too-large tuxedo and wished he had a throat so that he could swallow as he waited onstage by the 'altar'.  
  
Paige walked up the aisle of the audience towards the stage, she looked radiant.  
  
"It's amazing," said Storm to Jean. "It looks _exactly_ like your wedding dress!"  
  
Jean had a narrow look on her face. "That's because it IS my wedding dress. I'm going to have a talk with Jubilee after this about what the phrase, 'Can I borrow one of your outfits' means."  
  
"The wedding of Scott and Jean," said Jubilee, quietly. "Was ever an event so anticipated in the entire history of the X-Men? Was there ever an event so promised, so desired, so close to getting done so many times... but finally, FINALLY, Jean got that precious ring on _her_ finger."  
  
Jean sniffled and wiped a tear from her eye and admired said ring.  
  
"Now. We would have liked to reproduce the entire ceremony," Jubilee continued. "But Jono kicked up such a fuss that we decided to just cut to the ending. Ready? GO!"  
  
And now the audience discovered just where the rest of Gen X had been. Confetti showered down from the ceiling. Buckets and buckets of confetti. A veritable BLIZZARD of confetti. Nobody could see a thing. When it finally stopped, the stage was empty. Suddenly Jubilee reappeared, this time without cue cards or microphone. She looked worried, and looked around the stage nervously. There was a slight movement from the back and she yelped and ran.  
  
Too late! Jono stepped out and everyone stared at him. He was dressed like a Borg warrior from Star Trek.  
  
"Resistance is futile!" He said. "You will be assimilated! The Phalanx are the supreme beings! Assimilate! Assimilate!"  
  
His voice became more mechanical sounding by the end, and then Mondo came on stage. "Assimilate..." he said. "Assimilate..."  
  
Jubilee looked around in horror as they closed in. Then two Daleks rolled on stage. "Assimilate... Assimilate."  
  
"Aaaiiiiieeee!" she yelled. "Heeeeeelp!"  
  
"But there was no help for Jubilee!" Jono stepped aside and picked up a microphone. "She too would soon fall victim to the Phalanx, just like most of the X-Men before her... The Phalanx - a sort of techno-organic creature, wanted to assimilate mutants, but it had difficulty with mutant DNA, hence its capturing of the young mutants. And so, Jubilee was captured and assimilated!" His voice altered.  
  
"Assimilate! Assimilate! Resistance is futile! You will be assimilated! The Pha-lanx are the su-pe-ri-or be-ings. Assimilate!"  
  
"I don't think so!" yelled Jubilee.  
  
"Yeah! RARRRRGH!!!" Franklin pounded onstage, yellow hair sprouting through every gap in his clothes. He got two feet and tripped over his trailing wig.  
  
"Ummm... luckily, Sabretooth, Banshee and the White Queen came to her rescue. Sort of." said Jono, looking at the fallen boy.   
  
"But!" he brightened up. "We _did_ get Paige, Skin, Monet," his voice faltered. "Clarice and another boy - later turning out to be a Phalanx in disguise." They  
fought the Phalanx from within whilst Banshee and the others..."  
  
He paused as Artie, miming screeching and flapping the trailing "wings" of his costume, ran onto the stage. And tripped over Franklin. Leech then zoomed out after them and fell over both their prone bodies. Jubilee slapped her hand against her forehead and mimed "ad-lib" at Jono.  
  
"Oooookay, now I see what Jubilee had to put up with," said Jono. "Where was I? Oh yes, assembled some others to... fight... the..." his voice trailed off as Franklin and the other two tried to get to their feet and tripped over each other.  
  
"Phalanx... and somehow they won. How exactly is a COMPLETE mystery to me because they were really a bunch of clowns when you actually look at it..." he continued.   
  
Jubilee was miming 'shut up you idiot these are the people who grade your essays!' as Franklin stumbled towards her and tripped head over heels into her lap. Banshee and the White Queen had tight-lipped expressions.   
  
"And anyway I wasn't even there so I only have your words that you actually managed to defeat these Phalanx people - and that they actually existed in the first place."  
  
The rest of GenX wandered onstage in partial costume to watch as Jono talked himself closer and closer to death.  
  
"How do you think he's managing to talk through both feet?" Paige asked M.  
  
"No mouth, hence he can fit more in."  
  
"Aaaah."  
  
"And as a result of this possibly spurious threat, a new team of mutants was put together. Another younger team, which could learn and then grow up to become X-Men. Haven't we done that already. I mean, wasn't that supposed to be The New Mutant's/X-Force's plan? Do we graduate to them and then full X-Men status or will we just change our name when we get old enough and continue on as we always have." Jono leant against the wall. "And while I'm on the subject, another thing that's mystified me..."  
  
Jubilee put both hands over her eyes as Jono kept talking. But she couldn't stop listening. It was kind of like watching an accident in slow-motion. You just couldn't help being fascinated.  
  
Jono rambled on in this fashion for another half-hour, managing to insult every single person in the room in some way or other, and generally leaving havoc in his wake.  
  
"And then I wondered, but wouldn't the heels get in the way during a fight? Surely survival is more important than fashion sense. I mean, look at Bobby, he doesn't care that he looks like a complete dork when going into battle and he hasn't died all that often... Hmmm... what was I going to say?" Jonathan wondered.  
  
"You _were_ going to narrate the Onslaught experience we all just lived through," said Jubilee. "But I think we've seen enough disaster for now." She gently relieved him of the microphone. "I would just like to say now that the opinions expressed just then by Jono were entirely, completely and irrevocably his, and that I had nothing to do with them in any way, shape or form." She looked   
at her watch. "Having fulfilled my original intention of making everyone forget the time and getting to stay up late..."  
  
Everyone quickly checked their watches and faces fell as they realised how late it was.  
  
"I would now like to end this production, how else, with a song... Please feel free to join in with us on this one."  
  
GenX - in costume, formed up and began to sing:  
  
"We are the X-Men, my friend...  
And we'll keep on fighting till the end  
We are the X-Men, we are the X-Men,  
No time for losers cos we are the X-Men... and Gen X!"  
  
GenX bowed to raucous applause.  
  
"Thank yew, thank yew!" said Jubilee. "And tomorrow, we'll be doing the history of the New Mutants!"  
  
She was chased offstage by a group comprised of all of Generation X, Bobby, Iceman, Gambit, and most of X-Force.  
  
"Hey," said Jean suddenly as she recovered from her amusement at watching the younger ones flee. "Who's going to clean up all this mess?"  
  
THE END 


End file.
